


Because of my neighbor

by herilaveur



Series: Just to love and be loved in return [2]
Category: SKAM (Netherlands), WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:54:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 33,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27774922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herilaveur/pseuds/herilaveur
Summary: November 2, 2020, since a week, Lucas has been forced to live with his father because he totally screwed up in Utrecht, but he doesn't care, he is waiting for the moment when he can leave. He doesn't belong in Antwerp anyway.But maybe his next-door neighbor could change his mind.
Relationships: Jens Stoffels/Lucas van der Heijden, Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Series: Just to love and be loved in return [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2080344
Comments: 123
Kudos: 88





	1. Where were you when we needed you?

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [WTFockdown 2.0](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27282673) by [herilaveur](https://archiveofourown.org/users/herilaveur/pseuds/herilaveur). 



> This fic it's a kind of crossover with my fic : WTFocldown 2.0.
> 
> The two fics cross each other at several moments but also read independently. 
> 
> I put the first three chapters in one go so that we find ourselves at the same time in both stories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just for the record, I couldn't find Lucas' birthday. Since Liv is from 2002, I guess Lucas is too.  
> So in this fic, his birthday is December 31, 2002,

_Monday, 2nd November, 2:36 pm_

Lucas raises his head with a sigh when he crosses his reflection in the mirror. No matter how many tattoos he will do, he sees only him when he looks at himself in the mirror : The old Lucas. 

The Lucas always smiling, laughing and joking. _Luc_.

Lucas hates to think back to what he was before because it forces him to think about the event that has made there is now a before and after in his life. Tears immediately come to his eyes and Lucas refrains from hitting the mirror, blaming himself for having thought about it. He comes out of the bathroom and goes into the living room of his fucking new apartment.

He quickly looks at the photo, as he does every day. He knows he should take it down because it still hurts, but he can't bring himself to do so. And this morning he wants to think about her. This day, he wants to feel bad. So he sits on the couch and takes the picture of his mother in his hands. It's a two months ago today. Two months since she had the fucking accident. Two month that Lucas keeps repeating to himself if he had taken better care of her, if he had paid more attention to her, maybe she wouldn't have died. Two months he wonders why she took his car that night. Was she looking for him? Was she aware of what she was doing? Was it an accident or did she really want to die?

His phone rings and Lucas takes a sigh. It's Isa. Lucas puts the phone down without picking it up. Of course, the phone pings immediately.

_Isa. 2h42pm_

_Luc, please.  
Just tell me if you're okay.  
I miss you.  
I just wanted to help you._

Lucas sighs. He hasn't seen Isa in a week and it feels like a year. He was so angry that he hasn't responded to any messages since she stabbed him in the back. He knows that it is because of her who had to come and live with his father but anyway, everything is already planned. He's going to live in Antwerp with his father until he turns 18, because he has to, but on his birthday he will take his things and go back to Utrecht. 

Lucas sighs and like every day for the past week, he counts down the days in his head. In 58 days, he will leave here. He has always hated being born on the last day of the year, which has always made him the youngest in the class, and this year he's waiting with even more anticipation for his birthday to get out of here.

It's not that he doesn't love his father. He doesn't care. Completely. His dad's hardly ever around anyway. Lucas even wonders why he made him come. He was almost surprised that his dad came to the funeral, and then his dad didn't leave, telling him that he had taken a few days off to take care of him. Lucas hadn't really thought about what he would become now that his mother had died, too overwhelmed with grief and guilt. So when his father told him that he had to move to his new home in Antwerp and that he had already made all the arrangements for his studies, Lucas' heart broke once again. 

And he managed to negotiate to stay in Utrecht by living in the flatshare. But Lucas was too sad to be serious, so instead of going to school, he drank too much, smoked too much and stayed at home all day, unable to stop thinking about the death of his mother. And even his friends couldn't get him to change his mind. He's pretty sure that it was Isa who called his father when she found his last tattoo.

Getting a tattoo was the only thing that brought some respite in Lucas' head. Something that hurt him, but that allowed him to think about his mother in a different way than in pain. His first tattoo was a rose on his ear, because his mother loved them, with the inscription _''No rain, No rainbow''_ , because it was a quote that his mother loved: _''To see the rainbow, you have to accept the rain."_

But the more he got tattooed, the more he wanted something big, in keeping with his pain, so he did it. Maybe without the alcohol and the weed he would have hesitated longer, but he doesn't regret it. Even though because of this, he lost Isa. He got the tattoo on Monday morning, Isa saw it at noon, and at 5pm, his father showed up unannounced, finding him slumped on the couch, almost unable to get up because he was so high. He put Lucas's things in his car before carrying him to put him inside and take him home to Antwerp.

That was a week ago, and since then Lucas feels like he's in prison. He knows his father thought he was doing this for his good, but he doesn't want to be there. 

''Lucas? Can you come over? I'd like to talk to you."

Lucas sighs and goes and sits around the kitchen table, not looking at his dad.

''I'm sorry I didn't see how bad you were feeling, Luc. But it's gonna be okay, okay? I'm here now."

''And where were you when we needed you?''

Lucas can't even recognize his own angry voice. And apparently, it also surprises his dad when he stands up in his chair.

''I'm sorry I screwed up. I really did. And I realized that, too late, I know. But we're gonna make it up to each other, okay? I've enrolled you in college, so you'll be able to take classes after the vacations, even though it looks like, because of the lockdown, it's all visio."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders, he doesn't care.

"Except for a few appointments, I'm going to work from here, in my room, but if you need me, I can''.

''I don't need you.''

His father sighs, visibly hurt but Lucas doesn't care.

''Okay. Well, let's talk about something else then. How did you get a tattoo when you're a minor?"

Lucas smiles, looking at his arm. He got a simple sentence tattooed on his arm.

_''No one notices your pain but everyone notices your mistakes''._

Every time he looks at his arm now, he thinks of Isa and Kes. How much he hurts Isa, how much she resented him when she realized that he wasn't in love with her but with Kes. They talked about it a lot together and he knows that she didn't tell Kes, but deep down, Lucas knows that she never understood why he did it. No one will ever be able to understand how much he suffers from having to pretend to be someone he is not.

"I didn't even know you could get a tattoo in your ear," says his father with a sigh.

Lucas smiles a little more, touching his ear.

"And I wouldn't talk about that on,'' said his father pointing to his chest ''Do you realize that you're going to keep this for the rest of your life?"

Lucas stands up, violently pushing the table.

''Do you realize I'm going to miss her all my life? That I'm going to feel guilty for the rest of my fucking life?''

He grabs his skateboard, puts on his jacket and takes a mask and slams the door. He's so angry that he almost knocks down the guy who closes the door in front of him with a sigh.

"I can't take it anymore Lotte, you sing like shit!"

Lucas looks at the skateboard he's holding in his hands and the guy turns around, almost jumping when he sees he's not alone on the landing.

''Oh shit, you scared the shit out of me. Sorry."

''Sorry.'' Lucas says, putting on his mask ''Uh... do you know a nice place to skate?''

The guy nods and smiles.

''Yeah, sure. Come on. I'm Jens."

''Lucas. Call me Luc."

''Call me Jens.'' said the brunette laughing.

Together they go to a small skate park, which Lucas would certainly not have found if Jens hadn't shown him. It looks old and abandoned but it's cool.

''Nobody comes here anymore, but the cops turn to the others. While we're not doing anything wrong, we're far enough away so we don't contaminate each other.''

Jens puts his skateboard on the ramp and takes off his mask, revealing a big smile so Lucas imitates him.

''I've never seen you before, do you live with Niels?''

Lucas sighs while nodding.

''Yeah, that's my dad. Do you know him?"

Jens shakes his head as he gets on his skateboard to do some tricks.

''No, we just run into each other sometimes. I didn't know he had a son. Where do you normally live?"

Lucas throws his skateboard and does a few laps before coming back to Jens.

''Utrecht. My mother died, so I'm forced to come and live with him."

Jens falls off his skateboard and Lucas whispers.

''Yeah, it did that to me, too.''

Jens shakes his head, picking up his skateboard.

''I was just trying out a new trick to impress a buddy. I'm sorry, man. Sorry about your mom. Was it a long time ago?'

Lucas sighs. 

''Two months. My dad had agreed to let me stay with my roommates, but I fucked up completely, so he came looking for me."

Jens nods, visibly trying to reproduce a figure and Lucas expects him to ask him questions but he doesn't do it.

''Don't you want to know what kind of crap I did?''

Jens shrugs his shoulders, falls down again and gets back on his board.

''Whatever you say. I think we all do stupid things when we're in trouble, we shouldn't be judged on that. Here at least you can make a fresh start and be yourself. You can be yourself without thinking about the bullshit from before."

Lucas sits at the top of the ramp, putting his skateboard next to him. He hadn't thought about it like that. Jens falls down twice more before coming to join him, putting himself a few meters away from him and Lucas can't help but wonder if he would have gotten this far without this fucking virus.

''I'm gay.''

That's the first time Lucas has actually said it. He discussed it with Isa, but it was she who told him that she knew it, and it's clear that Kes doesn't suspect it at all. Jens looks at him, apparently surprised, probably not expecting Lucas to tell him like that, but takes a big smile.

''Cool. My best friend too. Well, if he's still my best friend. Fuck, I want to go to his house so bad. I tried to call him at least 4 times before I went out and he still won't call me back. Robbe is such a pain in the ass sometimes."

Lucas looks at Jens talking about his friend as if it was the most important thing he could talk about and he smiles.

''What's wrong with him?"

Jens sighs with a shrug.

''I don't know. This morning he told us that he had decided to stay at home with his mother but that his boyfriend, Sander, was coming to live with them. And I'm really happy for them, but we spent the whole weekend together and I really don't understand why he didn't tell me about it in person. So now I can't stop thinking about our weekend and I thought everything was cool between us, but maybe not, after all. I don't know."

Jens seems really worried about that, and that makes Lucas smile.

''Maybe he was just afraid you were going to tell him not to do it. Maybe he was afraid of how you would react."

Jens shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. He knows that I love Sander. I honestly don't know. Oh, he gets on my nerves so much sometimes."

Lucas lies down, leaving his legs dangling in the air.

"Have they been together long?"

Jens lies down in turn and looks at him smiling.

''Soon a year and they are completely in love with each other. I helped Sander choose a fully personalized board for their anniversary, frankly, Robbe is going to be crazy. I'm jealous, this board it's too amazing.''

Lucas lets out a light sigh, feeling like something like this will never happen to him. He just has the right to be locked up with his father.

''That's cool. They're lucky. Damn, I'd rather be locked up with a boyfriend than my dad. "

"You left a boyfriend in Utrecht?"

Lucas shakes his head and looks at Jens, smiling at him. 

And for the first time he thinks that something good could happen to him here.


	2. I thought you weren't coming

_Tuesday, November 3, 3:01 pm_

When they went home last night, Lucas didn't dare to ask Jens if he wanted them to go skateboarding together again this week. It would have looked too much like a date. So he just hopes that Jens goes out every day at the same time.

His father works in his room, in visio conference, and anyway, since he is officially on vacation, he has nothing to do. So he takes his skateboard, puts on his denim jacket, puts on his mask and goes out. And he's immediately disappointed because Jens is not on the landing.

Lucas goes down and goes to the skate park, taking a huge smile on his face when he sees Jens trying to do tricks.

''Are you trying to do a kickflip?''

Jens doesn't jump but takes a big smile.

''Yeah. Robbe knows how to do it and he pisses me off with that. So I'd like to take advantage of the forced vacations here to learn some new tricks. It's always better than staying at home and listening to my sister sing."

Lucas puts down his skateboard, takes off and does a kickflip before stopping and watching Jens.

''Like that? Come on, it's not that hard. You have to push with your back foot."

Jens tries several times and falls because he always puts his feet back on the edge of his board.

''Throw harder. You have to make him twist and stop it, not the other way around. You don't have to wait until he's ready, it's up to you."

Lucas throws it again and Jens does it twice in vain, then just when Lucas thinks he's going to do it, Jens lands next to his board and starts laughing.

''Okay. Forget it. Do you smoke?"

Lucas probably had to say no, but a little joint is nothing compared to all the stuff he's been smoking lately, so he nods. They settle down again at the top of the ramp and when Jens hands him the joint, Lucas takes a big smile on his face.

''That's not good for barrier gestures, that.''

Jens looks at him, wondering if he's laughing and Lucas bursts out laughing before he pulls the joint. And finally, just like the day before, they sit there for hours talking. It's so easy to talk to Jens. He gives the impression that they've known each other forever and finally they do this every afternoon.

On Fridays, his father tries to talk to him again, but Lucas only wants to join Jens. They meet every day at 3pm and now it's after 3.15pm and Lucas' father doesn't seem to be in a hurry to let him go.

''Are you taking drugs Lucas? You go out every day, and''

''No.'' Lucas sighs, ''I made a friend, okay? We're not doing anything wrong, just skateboarding. It feels good to talk to somebody my own age."

His dad immediately frowns.

"Where did you meet him?"

Lucas smiles as he looks at the front door.

''On the landing. He lives in the apartment across the hallway."

His father takes a surprise look before he takes a big smile.

''The Stoffels son? He's polite. He has noisy friends but they seem nice. That's good. Okay, go ahead but be careful, okay? No bullshit.''

Lucas nods and leaves so quickly that he has to come back to get his skateboard, which makes his father laugh. And for the first time, Lucas wonders if his father knows he's gay. Does he suspect it? His father smiles softly at him before going back to his bedroom and Lucas simply shrugs his shoulders. He's not going to tell him now anyway.

When he arrives at the skate park, Jens is on the phone and he laughs before winking at the screen. He sees it and Lucas can't help but notice that he smiles a little bit more.

''Shit, Aaron calls me. I'll see you tomorrow. 8:00 p.m., I'll text you back, I don't want to see your ass again, bro."

Jens laughs as he puts the phone back in his pocket.

''Hi. I thought you weren't coming."

Lucas smiles, trying not to show that he's happy that Jens is waiting for him. Jens has a huge smile on his face, and he gives the impression of being really happy, but thoughtful at the same time.

''Are you all right, Jens?''

Jens almost laughs before he sighs.

''I just saw my best friend just wearing underwear that doesn't cover his ass and there is no doubt that he just woke up from a dirty nap with Sander.''

''And that's what makes you happy?''

Jens chuckles and shakes his head.

''No, that makes me happy for them, even if I didn't need to see his ass. No, actually, they''

Jens stops, seeming to hesitate.

''We don't have to talk about my friends, I have to bore you with this. Sorry."

Lucas shakes his head before he sits down next to Jens.

''No, it makes me feel good to talk. Okay, it's weird because I don't know them and they probably don't look like I think they do, but it's cool."

Jens pulls out his phone and gets closer to Lucas.

''It's Robbe, he's like my brother.''

Lucas takes the phone out of Jens' hands to get a better look at him. His cheeks blush when their fingers touch but fortunately Jens looks at the screen, so he doesn't see that.

''Is that the guy on the wall?''

Jens smiles and nods.

''Did you see the drawing? Yeah, Sander did that last year to tell Robbe that he loved him. They got off to a bit of a rough start. So...Sander asked me to help him choose the perfect board for their 1st anniversary on November 29th. And when I called them to do an online drink tonight with our friends, Sander told me that they couldn't because they were celebrating their first anniversary."

Lucas gently frowns.

''But we're the 6 of November, right?"

Jens starts laughing and nods.

"His idiots don't even have the same first anniversary date.''

Lucas laughs with him as he looks at the two guys looking so happy in the picture.

''Do I have the right to say that I find that it's too adorable?''

Jens nods and smiles.

''Yeah. They're so infuriating sometimes. They make me feel like they know everything about each other and sometimes when I look at them I think I could never find someone I'd be so good with."

Jens sighs and grabs his skateboard.

''Anyway. Watch this."

He takes off and does a kickflip. He's not perfect, but it's not bad. Lucas takes off with his skate and they spend the rest of the afternoon talking to and doing tricks. 

Their meeting at 3pm each afternoon seems to be an unspoken agreement between them and Lucas doesn't dare to think about what will happen when classes resume in a week. But in the meantime, he hopes to see Jens at the skate park every afternoon.

And that's why he is totally surprised when someone knocks at their door on Sunday around 11am and his father calls him. 

''Lucas, this is your friend. Come in, Jens."

Jens enters their apartment, looking completely out of his mind. It even looks like he's been crying.

''I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do. I fucked it up. I don't even know what to do now."

Lucas looks at his dad taking his jacket and he nods his head and thanks him.

''I'm going to get some bread, Luc.''

Lucas pulls out a chair for Jens to sit down and it looks like he's going to break into pieces.

''I screwed up. Robbe tell my they broke up because of me. I can't fucking believe it."

Jens looks up and seems to notice where he is and he looks at Lucas as he stands up.

''I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here to bother you with my bullshit. Sorry."

Lucas grabs him by the arm and holds his wrist firmly.

"Stay. Tell me, Jens." 

Then Jens sits down on the chair and explains to him that they wanted to organize a special couple quiz for Robbe and Sander but that he got the last question wrong when he wanted to read it and that Robbe told Sander that he was afraid he would cheat on him, and that Sander started screaming that they had both cheated on their girlfriends by getting into their relationship and that he couldn't believe that Robbe didn't trust him. And that this morning, when Jens called Robbe to apologize again for messing things up between them, Robbe told him that they had broke up.

''I don't know what to do. I can't just stay like this."

Lucas sighs, hesitates but puts his hand on Jens' shoulder.

''Go see him. Now. He will need his best friend. Go to him and ask him what you can do for him. He might not tell you anything, but he'll know you're there."

Jens gets up in a single bound and walks to the front door and then comes back and holds Lucas against him. 

"Thanks. Thank you so much. I'm going right now."

Jens runs away and the only thing Lucas can think about is the delicious feeling of being in Jens' arms.


	3. Do you regret it?

_Monday, 16nd November , 6:02 pm_

Lucas sighs as he closes his computer. Changing universities during the year sucks, but changing universities and having to start over in the new one by visio really sucks. And the worst thing is that it's the first time in two weeks that he hasn't seen Jens all day and has to admit that he really misses him.

He picks up his phone, writes him a message to ask him how his day went and then deletes it before sending it. He puts his phone down with a sigh and then picks it up to look at the unanswered messages from Isa and Kes. Isa continues to send him messages every day and Lucas begins to blame himself for not answering her. He quickly types "I'm getting better" and throws his phone on the bed.

He gets up and looks at himself in the mirror. Is this true? Is he really getting better? Will he ever really get better? He takes off his shirt, looks at his tattoo and smiles as he runs his finger over it. His father says he will regret it, that nobody would want to have such a sad message engraved on his body, especially in such a conspicuous way but Lucas doesn't agree.

His phone vibrates and he keeps looking at himself in the mirror. It took him three weeks to send Isa a message, she can understand that it takes him two minutes to answer her.But his phone vibrates several times, so Lucas sits on his bed and smiles when he sees that Isa has told him that she wants him to call her as soon as he's ready to talk, but especially that he has several messages from Jens.

_Jens 6h12pm  
_

_Fuck_ _, I want to go back on vacation!_  
 _Video lessons are boring!_  
 _What about your day?_  
 _It's dark, we can't even go skateboarding_ _🙁😢_  
  


Lucas takes a deep breath before writing.

_To Jens 6h15pm_

_You can come if you want._   
_My father is in a meeting outside._

Lucas doesn't get an answer and he just has time to answer Isa's message to thank her and tell her that he will call her soon, that the apartment bell rings. So he puts on his T-shirt and rushes to open the door, trying not to show that he was impatient. Jens is behind the door with a big smile on his lips and two beers in his hands. They both settle down on the couch and knock their beers before drinking.

"So Luc, what about your day? You didn't get lost on campus?"

Lucas laughs as he looks up at the sky.

''Well, that's normal. But I didn't like it before, I don't like it here any more, even less in visio. Anyway, it's not like I'm going to be here all year anyway. I would never have the opportunity to get lost on the Antwerp campus after all."

Jens frowns, almost looking worried.

''What? Why? Where are you going?"

Lucas doesn't even want to say it anymore now that he thinks he sees disappointment on Jens' face. But since Jens has told him a little bit about his ex-girlfriends, he knows he's straight, so it must all be in his imagination.

"On December 31st I will be 18 years old, so my father will no longer be able to force me to stay with him and I will be able to go back to Utrecht. I will find a job and live with my friends."

Jens seems really disappointed now, and Lucas doesn't really understand why. If they are close enough at the moment, it's just because Jens can't see his real friends, and even if it makes Lucas look like a second choice, he's totally ok with it because it makes him feel good. In 45 days, Lucas will go back to Utrecht to meet his friends and the confinement will probably be lifted, so Jens will be able to meet his friends again.

"Why do you want to go back?" Jens asks, looking at him, looking really sad.

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and takes a sip of beer.

"Why would I stay?"

Jens shrugs his shoulders, lowering his head.

''I don't know. But... Nothing. I just didn't think you'd leave so soon."

Lucas takes a sip of beer and puts it on the coffee table before he grabs the joysticks.

''In the meantime, do you want to play?''

Jens nods but still seems sad and Lucas elbows him.

"Bad day?"

Jens shrugs his shoulders and grunts something.

''Are your friends okay?''

Lucas quickly understands that Jens' friends mean a lot to him, especially after he thought he caused the rupture between Robbe and Sander. Lucas laughed when Jens told him that Robbe had lied just to make him feel bad and that everything was good between them, as long as Jens and theirs friends offered them a restaurant at home next Friday. Decidedly, even without having met them, Lucas tells himself that he likes these guys a lot. 

''No, it's okay. Still as much in love as ever, it's like they're on their honeymoon. Tomorrow we're going to the high school so it's going to be cool to see the guys."

Lucas nods, and the Jens character dies on the screen.

''Are you sure you're okay? You seem out of it."

Jens lets go of the controller and turns around on the couch to look at Lucas.

''Are you really going to leave next month? I thought you were here because you screwed up? What if you screw up again?"

Lucas sighs as he puts the controller down.

''I was depressed because of my mother's death. I drank too much and smoked too much and my dad went crazy when he saw what I had done, but I would have gotten through it you know, I needed time. Look, I'm better now. It's hard, I'm in pain, but I'm going to get through it."

Lucas looks Jens in the eye, not daring to tell him that he's the reason he's better. He doesn't even dare to admit it to himself. Jens runs a hand through his hair, probably wanting to comb it again, but it really makes the opposite effect and makes Lucas smile. Jens looks at him and his eyes look even darker than usual. He has a serious look on his face that Lucas had never seen before, and frankly, he didn't think Jens could look so serious. And looks at his hands and then looks Lucas in the eyes again.

''What did you do?''

Jens' voice is almost a whisper, as if he didn't really want to ask the question but really wanted to know the answer. Lucas sighs, gets up and takes off his shirt.

''This.''

Lucas look at Jens and he knows he reads the sentence engraved on his chest: _''Every night I go to sleep dreaming of forgetting my pain, and every morning when I wake up she jumps in my face and sticks her claws right in my heart''._

Jens stands up and reaches out his hand to touch his tattoo. Only Isa and his father know that he got a tattoo on his chest. Jens' fingers touch his skin, tracing the four claw marks and it sends goose bumps all over Lucas' body. 

''Do you regret it?''

Lucas shakes his head, not looking up to look Jens in the eyes. Since Jens is barely taller than him, his eyes are right in front of his lips, and Lucas can't help but think how he would feel if he kissed Jens.

"It's really sad but I can't even imagine how you felt and I understand that you wanted to keep a record of your pain. It's really beautiful."

Lucas raises his eyes slightly to catch Jens' gaze and realizes that Jens was already looking at him, as if he was waiting for him. Lucas feels his heart beating at 100 per hour under the hand that Jens has now laid flat on his chest. Jens smiles softly at him so Lucas leans gently towards him, giving him time to step back if he wants to, but Jens doesn't do so. So Lucas kisses him. 

Jens kisses him back, almost immediately, sliding his tongue against his own, gently placing his hands on Lucas' face. They groan gently, coming closer until they are completely glued to each other and they kiss for several minutes, then suddenly Jens jumps back.

And Lucas sees it on his face right away: he panics outright.

''Jens it's''

''I'm sorry.''

Jens walks through the apartment, throwing a ''I'm sorry'' and lets the door close behind him. 

Lucas falls on the sofa behind him and sighs as he looks at the door. He hesitates to send a message to Jens, telling him he's sorry, but instead he calls Isa. 

And he starts crying as soon as she picks up the phone. 

He has just kissed a guy for the first time in his life and he's gone.

And the worst part is that Lucas is forced to admit that he is completely in love with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are back to the same level as the other fic...this one will advance as WTFockdown goes on, i.e. completely randomly...(I say that, but the next chapter is scheduled for tomorrow 😂😂)
> 
> I hope you like it. This is my first story between Lucas and Jens.


	4. I want to be with you.

_Tuesday, November 24th, 7:03 pm_

Lucas looks at the door and frowns. No one ever rings the doorbell, as no one ever comes in here, but maybe his father just forgot his keys. In any case, he should have been back by now. Lucas will never understand how meetings can take so long. 

He opens the door with a sigh and freezes when he sees Jens standing in front of him. He hasn't seen him for a week. Not since they kissed. Jens sent him a message to tell him that he needed some time and as Lucas understands this, he just answered "Ok". He didn't send a message to see if he was ok, he just waited, hoping that Jens would come back to him. And now that he looks into Jens' dark eyes, he can't tell if he really comes back to him or if he comes to tell him that he doesn't see him that way, or even worse, if he comes to tell him that they can't be friends anymore. 

Jens looks at him, seeming hesitant to talk. They must look like two idiots looking at each other like that, but Lucas really doesn't know what they're supposed to do. If Jens came to his house tonight, he must want to talk to him, right? Doesn't he dare to say that he doesn't want this kind of relationship, for fear that Lucas will get hurt and start messing around again?

Lucas has had a lot of time to think about this over the last 8 days and it's pretty obvious that Jens doesn't have those kinds of feelings for him and he just doesn't want to hurt him.

''Jens, I get it, you know. I'm sorry I kissed you."

Jens frowns, looking over Lucas' shoulder.

''Isn't your father here?''

Lucas shakes his head and the next moment, without really understanding what's happening, he's pushed against one of the walls of the apartment while the door closes and Jens' lips are on his.

''I'm sorry."

Jens talks between kisses, putting his hands on Lucas' cheeks.

''I'm really sorry.''

Jens apologizes but the only thing Lucas can hear is _''He came back''_ And he has to make a superhuman effort to push Jens away and break the kiss so he can look at him.

"Are you sure?''

Jens nods, taking a slight breath.

''I'm sorry I panicked. I... I panicked. I never pictured myself with a guy, but I want to be with you."

Lucas gently nodding his head, and he really wants to kiss Jens, but he can't help but ask.

"Why?"

Jens smiles tenderly as he puts his forehead against his own.

''Because you're teaching me new tricks on the skateboard.''

Lucas giggles and Jens gently strokes his cheek.

''Because I find you incredible and I've never felt as good with anyone as I do with you. A month ago I didn't know you and now I can't imagine my life without you. Because when you told me you wanted to leave, I felt the earth shake around me. I don't want you to leave. I should have told you."

Lucas tries to control his heartbeat, but it's just impossible to control it.

''Tell me what?"

Jens hugs him, putting his head on his shoulder.

''That I want to be your reason to stay. I know it's selfish, but I want you to stay for me."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders because he doesn't know. He doesn't know if he would really be able to stay in Antwerp. He has never even thought about it. Since his father forced him to come and live here, he knows that he will leave on December 31. Because his life is not here. He grew up in Utrecht, there are all his friends, all his habits, all his favorite places.

''My life is there, in Utrecht.''

Jens nods softly and they stay a few seconds in each other's arms without saying anything until Jens breaks the silence again.

''So what will I become on January 1st? Is it worth starting a story if you already know the end date?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders again and Jens slowly detaches himself to be able to look him in the eyes.

''I really love you, Luc.''

Lucas smiles softly, trying to think as fast as he can, but he clearly doesn't have clear enough thoughts to think. Jens is right, is it worth starting a story knowing that it will have an end date? But at the same time, Lucas doesn't want to fight against the feelings he feels and miss out on a great story. Because when he looks at Jens smiling at him like now, he knows they could have a beautiful story. And above all he knows that he is totally in love.

"I"

The door opens and Jens takes a step back, smiling at Lucas's father as he enters.

''Hi Niels. I was just about to leave. See you soon, Luc. Think about it, we'll talk about it again."

Jens leaves the apartment while Lucas' father comes in and closes the door before looking at his son.

''Lucas? Is everything all right?"

Lucas nods gently and then looks at the door again.

''Yeah. I'm, uh..."

Lucas sighs, runs a hand through his hair, but it doesn't help him get his thoughts in order at all. The only thing he can think about are Jens' lips on his and his words. So, Lucas walks to his room, almost shaking.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders but goes into his bedroom and closes the door. The first thing he sees is his reflection in the mirror. He moves closer to the mirror, looks at himself as if he is seeing himself for the first time and smiles. Jens told him that he was in love with him. Lucas sighs as he lies down on his bed before taking out his phone. He writes at least six different sentences and then decides to get to the point and presses send.

_To Jens 7h19 pm  
_

_I really want to be with you too._

Lucas closes his eyes but immediately reopens them because his cell phone vibrates.

_Jens 7h19 pm  
_

_It's garbage day._

Lucas frowns, rereads three times Jens' answer and then jumps out of bed, calling himself an idiot and almost runs into the kitchen where his father is apparently heating something on the hotplates.

''I'm almost done, Lucas, are you coming to eat?''

Lucas nods but heads for the trash can.

''Uh, yeah. But I forgot to empty the trash can and the pick-up is tonight.''

His father looks at him, visibly astonished, and frankly Lucas can't blame him. It's the worst excuse there is for going out and it makes Lucas feel like a 15 year old but he doesn't care, he has to see Jens now. He needs to tell him that he loves him too.

''I take down the trash and I'll be right there.''

Lucas puts on his jacket, goes down the stairs and smiles when he sees Jens waiting for him at the corner of the building. He throws the trash can into the container and joins him, while trying to control his breathing and especially his racing heartbeat.

"You took a long time to understand."

Lucas smiles, rolling his eyes.

''You should have been clearer, idiot.''

Jens grabs his jacket and pulls Lucas towards him, crushing their lips together in a deep kiss. It's less tender than before, much less hesitant, and it makes this kiss even more intoxicating.

''Is that clear enough?''

Lucas rolls his eyes and pushes him slightly, until Jens' back touches the wall of the building. He kisses him gently, letting his hands play with his hair.

''I love you too, Jens.''

Jens smiles in the kiss but continues to kiss him.

''I thought I understood.''

Lucas hits his arm gently before returning to kiss him and then backs away with a sigh.

''But I don't know if I'm able to start my life here again. My life is over there."

Jens nods gently with a smile.

''Utrecht is only an hour and 45 minutes away by train. Maybe next year we will be able to live our lives but still be together. And then for now you're here."

Jens slips his hand into Lucas' hand and squeezes it gently.

''I don't want to miss out on something good just because you have to go back. We can try, and we'll see, right?"

Lucas nods, finding Jens' lips as if it were something completely natural.

''Okay.''

This time it's Jens who breaks the kiss, before sighing.

"I have to go back, otherwise my parents will think I'm doing something stupid. Already they were wondering about it when I took out the garbage.''

Lucas sighs without leaving Jens' arms.

''Same.''

Jens hugs him a little tighter before bending over to kiss him again.

''Okay, we have to go. I finish the classes at 5pm tomorrow, will your dad be there?"

Lucas sighs.

''I don't know, he works from home in his room, except on some days he goes to meetings like today. Since we don't really talk, I don't know when he has other meetings."

Jens gently strokes his cheek.

''You tell me, okay? Or else we can go skateboarding."

Lucas nods and smiles.

''Yeah, It's a better excuse than taking out the garbage.''

Jens pushes him gently, pretending to be annoyed, but Lucas can see he's not. And since there's no one outside, they enter the building hand in hand and don't let go until they're on the landing.

"See you tomorrow then."

Jens winks at him on his way home and even though it's clear that he's just a fucking charmer, Lucas smiles. He comes home with a huge smile on his lips. His father is already waiting for him, two full plates on the table and Lucas sits down without stopping smiling.

''Thank you, dad, it looks delicious.''

Lucas doesn't miss the surprised look on his father's face as he sits across from him smiling.

''Thanks. It's good to see you smiling, Luc."

Lucas really looks at him this time, and his dad looks really sincere. And again, he wonders if his dad knows. Does he know he's gay? That he's in love with Jens? That he's in a relationship with Jens? Are they really in a relationship? Like boyfriends? Will Jens tell his friends about him? Is he going to want them to be discreet or put pictures of them glued together on insta to let everyone know that they are together? Should Lucas tell his friends one by one or just posted a picture of him and his boyfriend and let them figure out for themselves that he's gay? Is he really ready for that?

''Lucas, it's getting cold.''

Lucas is startled and looks at his father as if he's forgotten he's there. Which he did, in fact.

''Yeah, sorry. How was your day?''


	5. Is it a guy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who said "I won't post every day" but can't help it?
> 
> I'm a desperate case...

_Wednesday, November 15th 5:06 pm_

Lucas puts on his jacket and grabs his skateboard. Today his father doesn't have a meeting outside, but fortunately the weather is nice so they decided to meet outside with Jens. He hesitates but he leaves a note on the kitchen table to say he's out and opens the door. From the landing, he can hear Jens' voice and it makes him smile, even though Jens looks bored.

''Come on, Lotte, watch a cartoon in my room, if you want.''

''I want to go out!'' answers a girl's voice ''I'm tired of spending all my Wednesday afternoons at home. Parents are in front of their computers. I want to go out. Why don't you ever want me to come with you again? Take me out or I'll scream."

''Lotte, you don't''

A scream resounds, almost as quickly muffled, and the door opens on a little brown girl with big brown eyes looking at him. She grabs a skateboard and puts on a "New York" cap before turning around to go back to the apartment.

''Mom, Jens is taking me outside.''

An ''OK'' sounds and Jens closes the door with a sigh.

''Lotte, it's Lucas. He's Niels' son and he comes with us.''

The little girl looks at him and Lucas smiles, crouching down to get up to him.

''Hi Lotte. Do you come skateboarding with us?"

The little girl smiles then looks at her brother before looking at Lucas again; with an almost jaded look.

''Yeah. Okay. Come on, guys, let's go."

Lucas chuckles at this little girl dressed in baggy jeans and a hoodie who appears to have a sacred temperament. Jens gives him a sorry look but Lucas shrugs his shoulders. He doesn't care as long as they can see each other. They are barely outside when Lotte throws her skateboard and starts rolling so they imitate her to catch her.

''We're going to the old skate park, I guess.''

Jens nods, so she increases the speed and Lucas slows down a little bit so she can watch them skate together.

''How long have you been skating?''

Lotte stops, grabs her skateboard and looks at Lucas with raised eyebrows.

''Maybe more than you. I was born on a skateboard."

Jens elbows her.

''Hey, easy, Lotte, he's a friend, okay?''

The little girl takes a big smile and rolls her eyes.

''OK, I'll leave you two alone then, among friends.''

She goes to the ramp and Lucas sits there to watch her, smiles.

''She's good."

Jens sits right next to him, and Lucas immediately sees the proud look Jens gives his little sister. He has already seen on his insta that he presented her as one of the prettiest girls he knew, and even though she has grown up a lot since then, Lucas can see that she means a lot to Jens.

''I taught her everything. I'm a good teacher.''

Lucas looks at him and starts laughing.

''She's cooler than you, that's true.''

Jens raises an interrogative eyebrow and takes a big smile.

''Did you stalk me? Oh you're so cute. Or maybe it's scary, I'm not sure."

Lucas hits him on the arm and raises his eyes to the sky.

''Tell me you didn't go on my Insta.''

Jens says nothing and just smiles before shrugging his shoulders. Then finally he smiled.

''Yeah. You looked good with short hair."

Lucas runs one hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face. It's true that it grew well, but he didn't think he'd get it cut. He likes it that way too.

''Don't you like it like that?''

Jens gently runs his hand through Lucas' hair, smiling at him.

''I like it, too. You look older."

"Good. Cause I'm older than you, baby."

Jens rolls his eyes, but lets his hand play in Lucas' hair.

''You are 19 days older than me, it's not a big deal. And I'm definitely not a baby. Especially not when you say it like that, idiot.''

Lucas chuckles and closes his eyes, tilts his head into Jens' hand, enjoying the simple touch.

"Okay, no baby, I get it. Don't worry, I'll figure something better."

''You can kiss each other if you want, I won't tell the parents, Bro.''

They are startled, at the same time, having completely forgotten the presence of Jens' little sister. She looks at them with a smile on her face before getting back on her skateboard.

''I'm sure you don't even know how to skate, it's just an excuse to date with my brother.''

Lucas starts laughing as he gets up and grabs his skateboard. He spends the next hour doing tricks with Lotte and even teaches her a new one.

''We're going to have to go home, Lotte, you have school tomorrow."

Luckily, there are street lights and it hasn't been turned off because the skate park is supposed to be disused. Lotte joins Jens with a huge smile.

''Good choice. Although you didn't go far to find it. But I like him. ''

Jens looks up with a smile and reaches out his hand to Lucas to take it.

''Me too.''

Lucas smiles, joins him and puts his hand in Jens' hand. Lotte looks at them smiling and claps her hands.

''Oh great. Give me your phone, I'll take a picture of the two of you. Jana will love it!"

Jens looks at Lucas but makes no move to give his phone to his sister.

''I don't want to hide and I want to tell my friends that we are together, but I don't want to force you if you're not ready.''

Lucas thinks and then nods.

''Okay. I think I'm gonna talk to my best friend. I don't want him to find out this way. I think it's best if I talk to him first. I don't know. Can you give me some time?"

Jens nods and pulls Lucas towards him to kiss him. Lucas laughs when Lotte imitates the sound of someone vomiting. She still comes to get her brother's phone and takes them in picture. Jens picks up his phone and climbs on his skateboard without letting go of Lucas' hand as he climbs on his.

''You can always put a picture of you two without anyone knowing it's Lucas. Oh my friends will never believe me tomorrow.''

Jens sighs but takes his phone out of his pocket, takes a picture and shows it to Lucas.

''Look, perfect, right? Just enough to piss off Aaron and Moyo. My sister is so cool."

Lucas giggles and they walk hand in hand to their building. Lotte greets him and walks up the stairs, board in hand, while Jens and Lucas stay in the lobby, finally enjoying being together.

''Are you coming to my place tomorrow? My parents go shopping at 5pm on Thursday and since my sister knows about us, so it's good, right? I'm just going to wait a little while to tell my parents. You're okay with that?''

Lucas nods, and Jens kisses him gently.

''Fuck, I missed that. Sorry about Lotte."

Lucas smiles, pulling Jens closer so he can kiss him.

''She's cute. It's okay, don't worry about it. I'll take advantage of you tomorrow."

Lucas chokes with his saliva when he hears how it sounds.

''I didn't mean... I meant to be with you, and...''

Jens raises a laughing eyebrow and Lucas feels his cheeks turn red.

''Okay, just forget I said that.''

Jens laughs, taking Lucas' lips with his own.

''Don't worry, I knew what you meant. See you tomorrow then."

Lucas sighs as soon as he walks through the door of his apartment, feeling just like an idiot. As his father is still working, he goes to his bedroom, hesitates, then resigns himself and takes out his phone to call Ralph.

When Ralph's smile appears on the screen, Lucas thinks that he should have called him without the video, it probably would have been easier.

''Luc! Finally! How are you doing? When are you coming back? We miss you."

Lucas sighs as he runs a hand through his hair.

''I'll be here for the new year, I have to wait until I turn 18. But this time it'll be okay. I'm better now. I'm really better. I'm sorry I messed it up."

Ralph smiles a little bit more and moves closer to the screen.

''Don't worry. You look better. It's good to see you smile. So, is there someone behind that smile?"

Lucas sighs, wondering how Ralph finds out and nods. Ralph gets up and visibly leaves the living room to go to his room and Lucas sees him settle down on his bed.

"Is it a guy?''.

Lucas nods and smiles.

''Did you know that?"

Ralph shrugs his shoulders.

''Maybe. But it's mostly because I assume you're calling me for advice, and I wouldn't be any use to you with girls. So, does he have a name? How'd you meet someone with lockdown? I want to know everything."

Lucas sits against his headboard and tells him everything Ralph needs to know.

"Oh, Luc, that's so cute! Okay, so already know that you come out as you feel like, but you have to understand that Jens doesn't want to go into a closet if his friends aren't there. He knows that he will be accepted because his best friend has been accepted. And your friends will accept you too, Luc. Isa is''

"Already in the know.'' Lucas cut him off.

''Okay. Good. And Kes doesn't have a problem with me, so I don't see why he'd have a problem with you. Just tell him .Okay, let's go back to the most important thing: tomorrow or any other day, as far as sex goes, you don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

Lucas nods with a smile and takes a slight breath.

''What if I want ? Where do I start?"

Ralph takes a huge smile, visibly rubbing his hands together.

''Orally." Ralph laughs " Start by discussing.Apparently he's experienced with girls but not with guys, so he's finally on the same level as you. Talk about what you want to do and always make sure he wants to do it too."

''Hey!'' Lucas moans ''I'm not going to do stuff to him that he doesn't want. Okay, I'm gonna hang up now."

Ralph sighs and shakes his head.

''No, no, wait ! Of course I can't imagine you forcing him. But he has to be confident enough to tell you to stop if he changes his mind, and the same goes for you. Just take it easy, Luc. I know you want to come back here at the end of next month, but don't rush into it, okay?''

Lucas nods with a smile, that's exactly what he needed to hear, actually. Enough to reassure him that he's already looking forward to tomorrow.

''Thank you, Ralph, that's perfect.''

Ralph retrieves the phone and winks at the screen.

"Afterwards, if you want more details, I can explain how to play with your tongue when you suc"

"No!'' Lucas cut him off ''It's good. I'll learn it myself. No details. That's it for tonight, Ralph. Thanks.''

Ralph starts laughing, and a knock on Lucas' door rings out, making him jump.

''Luc, you want to help me make dinner? I thought maybe we could cook together. Let's make a homemade pizza."

Lucas nods.

"Yep. I'll be there in two seconds, Dad."

The door closes and Lucas looks at Ralph again.

''Thank you so much, it was good talking to you.''

Ralph smiles.

''If you have any questions, you call me, okay? We're far away, but we're still here for you, Luc. And I'm glad to see you and your dad are doing better."

Lucas sighs as he looks at his bedroom door.

''Me too. It would please my mother, she didn't like to see us fighting."

Lucas can feel the tears coming up in his eyes and he bites his upper lip, but he doesn't have time to mourn when Ralph starts screaming.

''Look who's here!!''

Lucas didn't notice that Ralph had gone out of his bedroom, but now he's in the living room with Liv and Noah next to him and Liv starts screaming.

''Oh Luc! We miss you!''

''Yeah, your fingerprint is gone from the couch.'' Noah laughs.

Liv hits him on the back of the head and Lucas laughs.

''I miss you too. I'm sorry I screwed up."

''All that matters is that you get better.'' Liv says.

''No more tattoos?'' asks Noah. ''Last one's fucking huge!''

Liv hits him in the back of the head again and Noah pushes her away laughing.

''What!? I'm just asking."

Lucas laughs at seeing them like this and shakes his head.

''No. I wouldn't find anyone here to tattoo a minor anyway. But I think I've done enough for now."

They all nod and Lucas hears a noise in the kitchen.

''I'll leave you two alone, I'm going to make pizza.''

"Call us back soon!" Liv yells before hanging up. 

Lucas immediately sees the photo added on Jens' instagram and it makes him smile. And frankly he's almost disappointed not to be tagged on the photo, but he knows it will come and he's happy that Jens is waiting for him to be ready. He just needs to talk with Kes and he can be himself. But in the meantime, just before he goes to prepare dinner with his father, he looks at this publication again and he can't stop his smile from growing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know how old Lotte was, according to the pictures I gave her 5, so I guess now she's 7...I hope that suits you too.
> 
> Ah yes, and since Ralph, Liv and Noah's adaptations live in flatshare in the other skamvers, I decided that there they would do it too.


	6. Are you okay?

_Thursday, November 16, 5:42 pm_

''Lucas, we don't have any more buns like you like for tomorrow morning. Do you think you could go out and buy some before you go out?"

Lucas nods but doesn't really listen because he's reading Kes' message.

"Otherwise, I can go. Don't bother, I'm gonna go."

''No, I'll take care of it, don't worry''

Lucas types a quick answer to Kes, and when he looks up from his phone, she's gone.

''Mom?''

Lucas looks all around him, but she's nowhere to be found and the car is gone from the driveway. He opens the door of the house and finds himself in the church. The coffin is in the middle of the altar but Lucas can no longer move forward. All he can do is cry. All his friends pass him by, but no one helps him up. They walk forward as if they can't see Lucas crying on his knees and 

''Lucas! Lucas is a nightmare.''

Lucas is startled, almost falling from his desk chair and looks at his father through the tears. He wipes them off with a lapel and looks at his open computer in front of him. He must have fallen asleep during accounting class. Then he sees the time and grabs his phone.

''It's okay, Luc, do you want to talk about it?''

Lucas opens his eyes as he reads the last messages of Jens and goes back to the first one.

_Jens 5h02pm - The way is clear._  
_Jens 5h04pm - I made pancakes._  
_Jens 5h12pm - Luc,m are you still coming?_  
_Jens 5h14pm - Are you okay?_  
_Jens 5h16pm- Did it go bad with Kes?_  
_Jens 5h22pm - Are you mad at me about the photo?_  
_Jens 5h28pm - If it's going too fast, you can say so._  
_Jens 5h34pm - If you don't want to see me, just say so._  
_Jens 5h35pm - Okay, forget it._

Lucas pushes his hair back from his forehead and stands up, facing his father's worried look.

''Luc, if you need help, we could''

''I promised Jens to go to his house at 5pm to help him with a computer thing, can we talk about it later, please. It was just a nightmare.''

His father gently passes his thumb over Lucas' cheek, probably wiping away a forgotten tear, and without Lucas being really prepared for it, he finds himself in his father's arms.

''Okay. We'll talk about this later, Luc. Come on, let's go."

His father lets him go and Lucas stays two seconds looking at him but his father just smiles at him.

''I was in a video-meeting, I have to go back. Go see Jens, he must be wondering where you are."

Lucas rings Jens' doorbell and as he expected, no one answers. He tries to call him but his phone is off. So Lucas rings the doorbell, waiting for an answer. And it is Lotte who opens the door, with revolting eyes.

''He's not there.''

Lucas smiles in spite of himself and lowers his head to look at the little girl.

''Can you tell him that I fell asleep in front of my classes, that I just woke up and that I'm sorry I'm late, please?''

Lotte closes the door and Lucas waits with a sigh. When the door opens again Jens looks at him and frowns.

''Did you really fall asleep...Lucas? Did you cry?"

Lucas wipes his cheeks quickly, lowers his eyes and shrugs his shoulders.

''Just a nightmare. Sorry for being late.''

Jens puts his hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at it before pulling it against him to take him in his arms.

''Sorry, I thought that... I don't even know what I thought. I was so disappointed that you didn't come. I'm sorry."

Jens pulls him into the apartment and takes him straight to his room, telling Lotte to behave herself. They lie down on Jens' bed, as if it were something completely natural, and Jens holds him against him, gently caressing his cheek.

''Do you want to talk about it?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and closes his eyes, resting his head against Jens' scapula.

''No. Tell me about your day."

Jens sighs and bends over to kiss him on the forehead.

''My day...you've seen my insta I guess, Mr. Stalker."

Lucas chuckles as he nods his head.

''Yeah. Aaron reacted exactly like you said, it was kind of fun to read. I've never seen anyone comment on a publication 20 times without a response from anyone. It was his girlfriend who told him to shut up, right?''

Jens chuckles in turn.

''Amber, yeah. Well, there you have it, you have the summary of my day: he waved at me during all the classes to tell me to send him a picture of you, it was too much fun. The math teacher ended up turning off his camera. Otherwise it was a normal day. I guess your classes were boring if you fell asleep."

Lucas nods, sighing.

''Yeah. I didn't know what to do when I got out of high school, so I went to law school, but it sucks, I hate it."

Jens gently strokes his cheek and Lucas closes his eyes;

"What would you like to do then?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know, but nothing about the law. Video game developer would suit me. No, even better: video game tester."

Jens giggles and bends over to quickly kiss Lucas.

''Yeah, that's fine with me too. That would just be great. Get paid to play: Paradise."

Lucas straightens up slightly, just so he can kiss Jens. Jens goes down into bed a little bit to match Lucas' body. And Lucas kisses him again a little bit before moving back to look at him, and then he turns his head slightly to look at the room, not having really paid attention to it before.

''Please tell me you've tidied up before I come in.''

Jens pretends to hesitate and then takes a big smile.

''I didn't want you to see my mess. Maybe I cleaned it up. But don't open the cupboards."

Lucas starts laughing, hugging Jens, who also laughs.

''It's okay if it's a bit of a mess, you know. Because it's so clean that I think you'll never come into my room. If you saw her right now, you'd run out."

Jens shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''It takes more than a mess to scare me.''

Lucas smiles and bends over to kiss Jens again. Jens pulls him up against him, and they find themselves lying on top of each other kissing. Jens' hands are almost immediately on the belt of his jeans and Lucas feels himself getting hard just at that thought and given their positions, there is no way Jens doesn't realize it. Fuck, maybe that's what he should have been talking about with Ralph, and

''Luc? Are you okay?"

Lucas looks at Jens and realizes that he must have stopped kissing him a few minutes ago.

''Yeah, sorry. Sorry. I...uh..."

Lucas feels his cheeks turn red and he immediately blames his skin color, and it's at this very moment that he sees the two pinkish spots on Jens' cheeks. He gently passes his thumb over them with a smile. Jens looks a lot less sure of himself than he did a few minutes ago and Lucas kisses him gently, letting his hand play with his hair.

Jens twirls it slightly and Lucas finds himself lying next to him.

"Have you ever been with a guy before?"

Lucas shakes his head while continuing to play with the black hair.

''No, just with girls.''

Jens frowns and that makes Lucas smile.

''Yeah, I told you I didn't go out with my friends. In high school, I was actually pretty popular with the girls. It is well known that gays are magnets for girls."

Jens chuckles then gently pushes his hair back from Lucas' forehead and smiles.

''With the eyes you have, I'm not surprised. Anyone would fall for you. I don't know if I'm going to dare introduce you to my friends, maybe I'd better keep you just to myself."

Lucas looks down, watching Jens play with his hand before intertwining their fingers.

''Nonsense, they're just eyes. Do you think you'd want that? Introduce me to your friends?"

Jens nods, looking almost surprised that Lucas actually asks the question.

''Yeah, of course. Whenever you're ready. But in the meantime, I think I'm going to make Aaron languish a little longer, it's so funny. If I put a picture of you in my room and he can't figure out who you are, he'll go crazy."

Jens laughs and it makes Lucas laugh.

''But why is he friends with you? You're horrible."

Jens raises his eyebrows and laughs.

''Why are you with me if I'm so horrible?''

Lucas pretends to think and Jens throws himself on his lips.

''Yeah, that's why. Just for that. You're a good kisser."

Jens smiles in the kiss before he backs off and Lucas already knows he's going to say shit, like, ''I know, I've heard that before.'' So he grabs his sweater and pulls it towards him, whispering a ''shut up.'' Jens smiles, whispers an "Ok" in response before kissing him again. One of Jens' hands is just on the edge of Lucas' shirt, and touches his skin very lightly and yet Lucas feels like that's all he can feel. Jens moves it slightly and his fingers slip under Lucas' shirt, gently squeezing his waist.

''Wait, I'm going to see Jens.''

The bedroom door opens and the two guys jumped next to each other. Lotte looks at them as if they were idiots and sighs.

''Our parents are home. Glad to see you're not sulking anymore, Bro."

Lucas watches her close the door before looking at Jens.

''I should go.''

Jens shakes his head, pulling at his neck to kiss him again.

''No. I haven't seen enough of you. And then you told me about a secret ending story in Days Gone. I looked it up, you know, I swear I finished the game."

Lucas shakes his head and gets up to go to the shelves where the video game boxes are displayed like trophies.

''I swear you didn't finish it. Oh, you're playing Crash Bandicoot!"

Jens rolls his eyes and opens his mouth but Lucas stops him.

''Don't tell me it's your sister's. I like this game too. But for this day, let's play Days Gone. Prepare to be amazed!"

Lucas brings back the box and Jens starts the game before handing over the controller to Lucas.

"You see, now I can walk around the world, but I don't have any more missions. I've got''

''Shh. You're distracting me."

Jens chuckles and gently moves closer to Lucas to caress his two shoulders.

''You don't have to concentrate, there's no mission, and''

''Look!''

Jens looks at the screen and is stunned. While he was sure he had finished the game, there is now a call from O Brian who proposes to meet for a last mission.

"No kidding. How'd you do that?"

Lucas pauses and turns to Jens, smiling a little more when he sees his face.

''Sometimes you just have to be patient, sweertheart.''

Jens bursts out laughing and kisses Lucas, shaking his head.

''Definitely not. Okay, show me."

Lucas shakes his head and puts the controller in Jens' hands.

''No, go ahead. I will guide you."

Jens looks at him and for thirty seconds he doesn't move, then he starts laughing and turns towards the screen.

''Ok.''

Jens plays for fifteen minutes, maybe twenty minutes before pausing and putting the controller down.

''Am I shouting too loud? Sorry, I'm a bit too much"

Jens kisses him, apparently not caring that Lucas has just spent fifteen minutes shouting orders to him _''go left, go right, watch out behind you, go faster, don't jump. Kill him. But kill him damn it."._

''Just shut up.''

Lucas laughs while Jens kisses him again.

''Next time we play with two and I'll take you apart.''

Jens starts coughing and Lucas laughs, raising an eyebrow while Jens' cheeks take on that pinkish color.

''Oh yeah? It's supposed to be a promise or''

Jens gives him an elbow, looks at him and then bursts out laughing as he hugs him.

''Why does everything become a sexual allusion with you?''

Lucas looks down on Jens' crotch where a certain bump is rather visible and smiles. Jens follows his gaze with his eyes and then does exactly the same thing.

"You're not really m"

''Lucas, your father came to tell you it's time to eat.''

Lucas and Jens burst out laughing at the same time and Lucas turns to Lotte to look at her.

''Thank you Lotte, I'll be going.'' He bends over gently to kiss Jens ''Okay, I'm going. Do you want a picture for Aaron?"

Jens takes a huge smile and gets out of bed. He opens a closet and a ton of clothes fall on him, making him grunt while Lotte and Lucas burst out laughing.

''You think you can put this on, it's his, he's going to go crazy.''

Lucas sighs and rolls his eyes but puts on the jacket before sitting back on the bed.

''So? How do you make me a man of mystery? You cut my head off? Don't put a heart sticker on my head!"

''No!'' Lotte exclaims, ''I have a better idea!''

She runs away and comes back with a camera.

"You pretend to take a picture, so your face is hidden behind it."

Jens looks at his sister who leaves the room as fast as she appeared.

''That little girl is going to be awful when she's 16, but now, she's awesome. Aaron is going to end up coming here because he's going to be so crazy. If he knew you were our neighbor, he'd be here by now."

Lucas laughs while Jens throws the camera at him. He almost throws himself on him after taking the picture and kisses him tenderly.

''I wish you would stay there.''

Lucas smiles, quickly kissing Jens.

"Tomorrow my father leaves all afternoon for his work. You can come after class if you want, I promise I won't sleep."

Jens nods with a smile and Lucas sighs before pushing him away. 

''I have to go. It sucks if my dad comes back for me again."

Jens gets up and Lucas takes off the jacket and puts it on the bed before Jens intertwines their fingers. 

''Come on, I'll take you home.''

They let go of their hands when they arrive in the hallway because Jens' parents are in the kitchen.

''Dad, mom, it's Lucas.''

Jens' mother gives him a huge smile and his father greets him, but he doesn't miss his slight frown. 

''Lucas? You're from the Netherlands, right?"

Lucas nods.

''And are you getting used to it here?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders, trying to understand why Jens' father looks at him so insistently.

''It's a little weird because of the confinement, but it's okay.''

Jens' father smiles and turns around to help his mother put away the groceries.

''That's good. It can't be easy for you not knowing anyone here. I don't know if you won the jackpot with Jens and his dumb friends, but at least you can make fun of them. If you feel sad, look at their vlogs, laughing is guaranteed."

"Dad!"

Jens pushes Lucas to the landing and closes the door behind them.

"Sorry, he's the stupid one."

Lucas laughs before quickly kissing Jens and walking towards his door.

''He's funny and he's right, I laughed a lot while watching the vlogs.''

Lucas opens his door and winks at him.

''See you tomorrow, _honey_.''

Lucas whispers this word but he knows that Jens has waited for him because Jens starts to laugh and shakes his head. 

''Was it good, Luc?''

Lucas nods as he comes to sit around the table.

''Yeah, I unlocked a level of play for him, he was happy. How about you, have a nice day?"

Finally, talking to his father is something that's getting easier and easier. Lucas tries not to think about everything that separated them and tries to think that his mom would really want them to get along. And for the first time, as he listens to his father talk, Lucas thinks that maybe he could stay.

"So? Luc?"

Lucas shakes his head.

"What?"

''I was asking you if you wanted to see someone to talk about your nightmares and everything you've been going through since your mother died.''

Lucas immediately shakes his head, his face completely shutting off.

''No.''

His father reaches out to them, but Lucas takes his hand off the table.

''Sometimes you need to talk to someone, Luc, and...''

''I don't want to see a shrink and have him analyze me, okay? What's he gonna say? That I wanted to get over my mother's death and that I inflicted physical pain on myself so that I wouldn't think about the pain inside me? Thank you, I'm aware of that. It was just a nightmare, I don't need any help."

Lucas gets up and clears his plate.

''I have to call my friends. I'll see you tomorrow."

His father sighs and says "Good night" but Lucas already closes his bedroom door. He sits down on his bed, takes a breath and calls Kes.

Kes is obviously in his bed, but Lucas can also tell that he is not alone.

''Uh, I'm a little busy, man. But I'm glad you called. You're looking better. And..."

Kes lowers his head and visibly pushes something away. Well, rather someone.

''Wait, beauty, hold on a second.''

Lucas rolls his eyes and sighs.

''Okay, never mind, I'll talk to you later. Have a good time."

Kes takes a big smile, showing that this is exactly what he was going to do and Lucas hangs up with a sigh.

He opens Insta and searches for Jens' account. He could subscribe to it, but Aaron must already be looking at all Jens' subscribers to see who he doesn't know. The more messages appear, the more he smiles, until he bursts out laughing.

  
  



	7. I'm so nervous.

_Thursday, November 26th 2:03 pm_

Lucas drops a huge sigh, letting his head fall into his hands. The legal classes are the worst. But at what point did he think going to law school was a good idea? It's just crap. Most students have the camera off, like Lucas, and those who don't have it, are obviously watching something else or even sleeping. Frankly, if there are 10 students who really listen to the teacher, that's the maximum.

So Lucas pulls out his phone and tries to call Kes but it goes to voicemail. He doesn't have time to put his phone down and he gets a message.

_Kes 2:05 pm_

_I am in class._  
_No visio in our dear country, we have to move our ass._  
_I can't take this mask all day long!_  
_And you, how are you?_

  
_To Kes 2h07pm_

_I forgot, sorry._  
_That's all right._  
_I'd like to talk to you when you're available._

  
_Kes 2:09pm_

_Nothing serious?_

_To Kes 2h10pm_

_No, don't worry._

_Kes 14h10_

_Ok  
Sorry about yesterday.  
I was with my neighbor.  
We do this to cheat boredom some nights.  
You would see this girl, she's too good.  
Honestly, it really relaxes you in the middle of this bullshit._

Lucas smiles and puts his phone down before he tells his best friend that he's gay by text message. Or maybe it would be easier that way, right? Just answer him, _"Funny you should talk about neighbors, I wanted to tell you about mine because he's my boyfriend"_ and then see what happens. The apartment doorbell rings and Lucas is startled, dropping his phone on the desk. 

He walks through the apartment, opens the door and the next moment Jens' lips are on his.

''I missed you.''

Lucas wraps his arms around Jens, who puts him against one of the walls.

''Have you already finished classes?''

Jens shakes his head while giggling, peppering Lucas' neck with kissing and backing up slightly.

''No, but I imagined you here alone and I really wanted to be with you. I don't mean we have to do stuff, but I wanted us to be together, so I pretended to be sick and turned my camera off."

Lucas kisses him, sliding his hands through his hair.

''Your parents?'

Jens just shrugs his shoulders.

''They're working, they won't even notice I'm not there and I left a note just in case. I said classes are canceled.''

Jens steps back slightly so he can look Lucas in the eye.

''But if you want me to leave or come back more''

Lucas pulls him towards him to kiss him, finding himself once again pressed against the wall.

''I missed you too.''

The kiss quickly gets deeper and all Lucas can think about is that with every movement he feels Jens' dick banging against his, and he feels like he's going to faint.

''Do you want to come to my room? I promise you it's an unbelievable mess."

Jens laughs and nods and Lucas takes his hand to guide him, but he lets him go as soon as he walks through the door of his room to pick up the clothes on the floor and get the books out of his bed. 

"That's what happens when you come much earlier than expected. Sorry."

Jens sits on his bed, and Lucas puts his mess on his desk chair before closing his computer and sitting down next to him.

''Maybe I should have asked you first, right? I didn't want to intrude, but I couldn't wait to be with you."

Lucas shakes his head, passing one leg over Jens' to get closer to him.

''I'm really glad you came. Anyway, I'm going to quit school, it's no use."

Jens kisses him softly, gently caressing his thigh, and while this gesture is probably meant to be tender and reassuring, it really turns Lucas on. So without letting go of Jens' mouth, he slips his hands under his T-shirt, and he feels Jens straight himself immediately so he takes his hands off.

Jens questions him with his eyes and then smiles.

''You just have cold hands, Luc, come back.''

Jens pulls him towards him so that Lucas is sitting on his thighs and then he bends over to kiss him, sliding his hands under Lucas' shirt, gently caressing his back. Then Lucas kisses him gently in the neck, caressing his arms from top to bottom.

''Can I take it off? I can't stop thinking about your tattoo."

Lucas smiles and pulls his shirt to remove it. Jens steps back just a little to look at it and Lucas feels naked. Like totally exposed. Jens gently runs his fingers over the four claws before bending over to kiss in the middle and Lucas feels like he's going to die.

He pulls Jens' shirt to take it off and hugs him, moaning because Jens is so hot it feels like he has a fever.

''Damn, you're freezing.''

Jens moans but doesn't make any gesture to push Lucas away, on the contrary, he hugs him, caressing his back. They find themselves lying in the middle of the bed, one against the other, without Lucas really knowing who made them change places and kiss each other, letting their hands uncover each other's bodies. 

Lucas lets go of Jens' lips to kiss his neck before going down to his chest and then puts his hands on the button of his jeans, like a silent question. He looks at Jens who looks at him and raises an eyebrow.

''May I?"

And there Lucas sees it immediately: Jens hesitates. So he takes off his hands and puts them back on his neck.

''No, it's okay, Luc, sorry, I''

Lucas shakes his head, rubbing his cheek against Jens' cheek.

''It's okay, I don't want to rush you. Forget it."

Jens moans then gently scratches Lucas' back.

''I want you to touch me. Sorry I hesitated. I really want to. If you want it too."

Lucas kisses Jens, letting their tongues meet before letting his hand go down Jens' chest to his jeans. Jens helps him a bit because opening a pair of jeans with one hand is not very easy, then Lucas lets his hand caress his cock through the fabric. He smiles as he realizes that Jens isn't wearing boxers but boxer shorts and starts giggling in the kiss.

''What? Fuck, it's the most embarrassing moment of my life."

Jens steps back and Lucas realizes what he's just done. He's just touched his boyfriend's cock and starts laughing.

''I'm sorry. I swear it has nothing to do with you."

Lucas looks at Jens' defeated face and it makes him giggle even more.

''Do you know how offensive that is?''

Lucas takes a breath to calm down, burying his head in Jens' neck.

''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. Especially since you are not in a size to be offended. No, it's just your boxer shorts. Who wears them in 2020?"

Jens pushes them down and pulls the blue fabric with black stripes.

''What? It's just a pair of boxer shorts. What are you wearing?"

Lucas raises an eyebrow and lies down on his back with a big smile. Jens laughs and hops on top of him but makes no movement to open his pants. Instead, he gently caresses his chest.

''Okay...so I guess you don't have any boxer shorts. You just said you have a very small one, very nice pun by the way, so maybe you just have a thong. Or just nothing.''

Lucas hits his arm, pushing him to the side at the same time, and climbs onto his thighs in turn.

''I didn't say that, and no, I'm just wearing normal underwear.''

Jens rolls his eyes laughing.

''But this is normal underwear. Oh, you're so boring."

Lucas starts laughing before he bends over to kiss him. 

''I'm sorry, I'm so nervous.''

Jens gently strokes his cheek, kissing him gently, caressing his waist.

''Hey, it's okay. I'm nervous too, and you laughing doesn't help me, idiot. "

"But you're smiling," Lucas remarks.

Jens smiles a little more.

''Yeah. Maybe I like to hear you laugh."

Lucas nods as he kisses him and then gently goes down, takes off Jens' jeans and throws them somewhere on the floor of his room and gently slides his hand into his boxer short. Jens licks his lips and then rolls his eyes as Lucas squeezes him lightly before caressing him.

''Luc, kiss me, please.''

Jens pulls him to lie down next to him and takes off his jeans, smiling when he looks at his boxers. 

''I expected more extravagant than a grey boxer."

Lucas laughed, picking up Jens' lips in a wet kiss before placing his forehead against his own.

''Are you okay?'' Jens whispers as he looks into his eyes.

Lucas nods quickly, playing with the black hair on his other hand.

"And you?"

Jens nods his head, letting his hand slide into Lucas' boxer. They get closer to each other, almost magnetized, and soon they can't even kiss anymore, so much they moan. Their lips simply touch each other to the rhythm of their caresses.

''Look at me, babe.''

Lucas opens his eyes, not sure if he heard right and Jens caresses his cheek with his free hand.

''Damn, you're so beautiful. I feel so good with you. I love you."

Lucas opens his mouth but the only sound that comes out is his moaning as he comes into Jens' hand. He puts his head in Jens' neck, not even daring to look him in the eyes anymore.

''Sorry."

Jens moves his shoulder to push him away and smiles while kissing him gently.

''Hey, that was the point. It's all right.''

Lucas readjusts his boxer, kisses Jens' lips before going down along his torso, then all the way down to his belly.

''You don't have to, we can stick to hugs tonight.''

Lucas smiles, thinking that it should only be 3pm maximum, then looks at the black eyes staring at him.

''You don't want to?''

''Yes, of course I do, but I don't want you to do it if''

Lucas strokes him gently, just licking the tip, almost regretting not having accepted Ralph's advice. He surrounds Jens' cock with his lips and sucks it gently, smiling when Jens' moans become louder. A hand slips into his hair and Lucas almost expects Jens to press it against his head, and he immediately feels silly for thinking so when Jens gently pushes his hair back on top of his head to get a better look at him. 

''Damn, babe, it's so good.''

Jens prevents himself from moving and Lucas sees it because his hips are almost shaking.

''Oh shit. Stop, I coming."

Lucas hesitates but takes off his mouth and Jens comes in his hand, spreading all over his chest.

''Kiss me.''

Lucas joins him at once, putting their lips together and Jens moans while closing his eyes.

''Damn, that was too good. Thanks.''

Lucas closes his eyes, putting his head against his boyfriend's head.

''Don't thank me for that.''

Jens makes a movement, probably to pull up his underwear and then hugs Lucas.

''I thank you if I want.''

Lucas mumbles something without opening his mouth, hugging Jens against him, promising himself inside that he will only sleep for a few seconds.

It's a light caress that wakes him up. He opens his eyes and in front of him Jens smiles, caressing his cheek with his fingers.

''Hi. It's 6:30 pm, I'll have to go home. I just wanted to tell you. You know, don't leave without knowing."

Lucas nods but hugs Jens.

''Already? Why does time pass so quickly with you?"

Jens smiles before kissing him.

''Maybe because we just spent at least 3 hours sleeping.''

Lucas smiles and they kiss lazily for a few minutes, postponing the moment of separation.

''Okay, I really have to."

The bedroom door opens slowly and Lucas looks at it in panic. But even worse, Jens moves quickly, looking at the hole between Lucas' bed and the wall, as if he was going to hide. Everything happens too fast for Lucas to really have time to think, but he holds Jens tighter against him, preventing him from going into hiding. 

''Fuck, shit, sorry.''

The door closes immediately and Lucas hears his father's sigh.

''Sorry Luc, the door wasn't closed, I didn't think your boyfriend was there. ok...so...I'm here. I wanted to see how you were doing, but I guess I'm okay. I'm going to finish up a file, I'll see you later. I can't wait to get to know you more, Jens, but maybe a little more dressed up."

Lucas and Jens look at each other like two idiots for thirty seconds, then Jens smiles.

''Thanks, it will be a pleasure."

''Good. Come to dinner Saturday night if you want."

Jens smiles and Lucas sighs as he rests his head in the cushion.

''Thank you, with pleasure.''

Footsteps are heard and then the sound of a door and Jens hugs Lucas.

"Thanks Luc. Are you okay?"

Lucas smiles and gently kisses Jens before getting his phone back and taking a picture of them.

''I'm ready."

Jens shakes his head while caressing Lucas' cheek.

''Me too, but not like that.''

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In French, the terms "boxers" and "caleçon" are quite different, so I hope you understood what I meant despite the translation. Boxer is a boxer close to the body, and boxer shorts a loose fabric, often with buttons or what I call a trapdoor😆😆.
> 
> I hope not to offend anyone, but frankly, when I saw Jens' caleçons in season 1, I couldn't help but raise my eyes to the sky. I always found it weird, it looks more like shorts or a swimsuit than underwear... in short, I'm a in team boxer!
> 
> do you think Lucas is awful because he's laughing? I did that too😈😈...(ok I'm going to hide, but in my defense, I was hyper nervous🤭I'm a horrible person, I know😈....)


	8. I told my father

_Thursday, November 26th 8:18 pm_

Lucas looks at his plate, still not knowing if he is supposed to speak first or not.

''So... do you want to talk about what happened earlier?''

Lucas looks up at his father who just asked the question but seems as uncomfortable as he's , so he shrugs his shoulders. His father cuts off his piece of chicken but puts the cutlery down before eating.

"Are you serious about Jens?"

Lucas smiles and shakes his head.

''Yeah. I'm in love with him."

His father smiles but shakes his head at the same time.

''I meant serious about sex, Luc.''

Lucas opens his eyes and sets his cutlery.

''I don't need this conversation.''

His father frowns and sighs.

''That's the problem with you, Luc, you refuse all conversations. You could have told me you were in a relationship instead of just showing it to me like that, don't you agree? Good thing you're not very subtle or I would have had a heart attack."

Lucas frowned, didn't like the way this conversation was going.

''What do you mean you're not subtle? That it's obvious that I'm gay?"

''What? No, I didn't say that at all. Just that when you're freaking out because you're 40 minutes late to a friend's house for a computer problem and you come back and tell me you fixed their video game problem, it's not really subtle. I've got eyes, Lucas, I've seen you join him every afternoon last week and ''

Lucas leaps to his feet, pushing his chair away in anger.

''Are you spying on me? Fuck, I"

''My bedroom window overlooks the street, damn it! I was just glad you made a friend and I saw you holding hands. Stop getting mad, I don't care, okay? You can be gay, bi, pan, omni, carni, whatever you want, I don't care, I just wanted to talk about it. I just wish you'd talk to me, damn it!"

Lucas looks at his father and sits down and giggles.

''Carni? What the hell is that?"

His dad starts laughing and shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. In my day there was no such thing, we were straight, gay or bi, that's all. I saw that there were more than 20 different flags to represent sexuality, it seems crazy to me. But it's cool. Do you know what you are?"

Lucas nods with a smile, not coming back from his father's research.

"I'm gay, Dad."

His dad nods and smiles, and eat before talking, as if it were a completely banal topic of conversation.

''Jens too?''

Lucas sighs rolling his eyes.

''I don't think it's very polite to actually ask. No, I don't think he's gay... I don't know. He's with me, that's all. Just don't ask him on Saturday, okay?"

His father nods and they look at each other for a few seconds in silence and then Lucas' father sighs.

''I'm really happy we're talking like this, son. I'm really sorry I screwed up, and I'd really like you to let me into your life."

Lucas sighs and takes a piece of potato before looking at his father.

''I'm going to quit law school. I don't even know why I did it, it sucks. It doesn't suit me at all."

His father nods and finishes his bite before talking.

''Okay. There's no point in going on if you're not okay with it. So, what do you wanna do?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and sighs.

"I don't know." He smiles as he thinks back on their conversation with Jens, "Video games tester?"

His father looks at him sternly, visibly wondering if he is laughing or not and Lucas sighs.

"No, I don't know, okay."

''Okay. Have you ever tried this kind of test on the Internet to see what kind of job you would like to do?"

Lucas shakes his head. He's not going to tell his dad that he took the same kind of test to find out if he's gay or not, and the test told him he was 35% gay when now he's 100% sure he is.

''No. I could always try. But I was already thinking about finding a job when I return, just for''

''Wait! What?'' his father cut him off. ''What do you mean by your return?''

Lucas blames himself inside for letting it go so easily and then looks his father in the eye.

''You want to talk clearly like two adults, then yes, I'll go back to Utrecht. In...''

Lucas stops, realizing that he hasn't counted the days for several days and frowns.

"In 35 days I'll be an adult and free to do what I want. I could have run away before and you know it, but I didn't do it to show you that you can trust me. So on December 31 I'm going back to Utrecht. I'll find a job and I'm going to live with my friends until I know what I want to do. That's my plan.''

His father drops his cutlery, gawking for a few seconds before getting angry.

"You want me to trust you? Do you remember the state I found you in? And you want me to let you go back with them?"

Lucas pushes his plate away, feeling the anger rising inside him.

''It was my fault, okay? It wasn't their fault. They wanted to help me, but I refused. I'm the one who's responsible, they had nothing to do with it."

''You were finally looking better, Lucas, why do you want to go back? If Isa hadn't called me, you would have died. Or tattooed from head to toe. '

Lucas looks at his arm and stands up.

''I fucking love my tattoos! Stop acting like this is a mistake. It was my choice."

''You weren't even of legal age to do it!''

''You weren't even there!'' Lucas yells out, ''What do you think it was like for me when Mom wasn't feeling well? Who do you think was in charge of the bills, or the meals, or the laundry? Do you think my friends cared about that at their homes? It was your leaving that made me grow up!"

Lucas walks through the apartment and opens the door.

''Where are you going? Don't do like me, Lucas, don't run away! Stay, we'll calm down."

''I'll calm down, alone!'' Lucas screams ''And I'm not like you, damn it! I didn't want to leave her!"

He runs down the stairs and slams the door of the building before running away. In spite of the tears that cloud his vision, he doesn't stop until he gets to the skate park. He sits on one of the ramps and puts his head between his arms to cry. 

He jumps when he feels a jacket being put on his shoulders and then starts crying harder.

''It's nothing, Luc, I'm here.''

Jens hugs him, gently caressing his back and even though he wants to try to stop crying, he just can't. It's as if all the anger he's accumulated over the years is turning into tears.

''It's going to be okay. Come on, let's go home, it's cold."

Lucas takes off Jens' jacket to give it back to him but he puts it back on his shoulders before handing him a tissue.

''How did you know I was here?''

Jens kisses him gently on the temple, squeezing him a little closer.

''I think the whole building heard you screaming. I went out on the landing and your father said you were gone. I assumed you were coming here. I'm glad you're here."

Lucas wipes his eyes.

''I told my father I wanted to go back to Utrecht.''

Jens nods before kissing his temple again.

''He will accept it. He seemed really worried about you."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't want to talk about him.''

Jens kisses him in the hair and then pulls him gently to get them up.

''Come over to my place if you want, but don't stay here, you'll get sick.''

Lucas sighs but gets up.

''Do you think your parents will agree? No. You have class tomorrow, I'm going home. I just needed to calm down."

Jens stops, gently caressing his cheek.

"Are you sure?"

Lucas nods but Jens pulls him towards him.

''Come sleep at my place, please. Just sleep. I don't feel like leaving you alone now. I just want to hold you in my arms."

Lucas smiles as he looks up at this guy he didn't know until four weeks ago but who is now taking a huge place in his life.

''I didn't think you'd be so cuddly.''

Jens just shrugs his shoulders and they walk hand in hand to their building.

"Does it bother you?"

''No, not at all. I like hugs. But tonight I have to go home. I promise you it's going to be okay. I'm a big boy, you know, I'm used to being alone."

Jens stops before opening the door.

''You don't have to be alone anymore, Luc.''

Lucas stops, almost throws himself into Jens' arms to snuggle one last time.

"Thanks. I hope you won't have any problems with your parents because of me.''

They walk up the stairs hand in hand and Lucas looks at the door of his apartment and sighs. Jens smiles tenderly at him, bends over to kiss him but stops because Lotte's angry voice echoes down the landing.

''They're just tattoos, Dad. You might get to know him before you judge him. You're not even Jens' father, damn it! You have nothing to say."

Jens steps back, wide-eyed and looks at the door.

"Go to your room, Lotte!"

The door opens suddenly, making them jump and Lotte jumps back before throwing herself into her brother's arms.

''It's all right, Lotti, but don't say that, he raised me like his son and you know it."

Lotte shakes her head.

''He's an asshole.''

The door to Lucas' apartment opens and his father looks at him, looking sorry. Jens' father sighs as he looks at them and waves them in.

''Lotte, it's time to go to bed, you have school tomorrow. Jens, we have to talk."

Lucas lets go of Jens' hand but Jens turns around and kisses him gently before backing away, Lotte still huddles up against him.

''See you tomorrow. Call me if you need me, okay?"

Lucas nods before taking a quick look at his apartment but Jens' father has already gone inside.

''Sorry.''

Jens looks at him and shrugs his shoulders.

''It's fine, don't worry. We all have character in my family, that's all. I think he just figured out that his son was in a relationship with a pretty tattooed boy. He hates tattoos and piercings, he was already having trouble with my earring. He just has to swallow his prejudices, that's all. It's just a lot at once, but don't worry, soon he'll beg me to take you home."

Lucas sighs and Jens kisses him again before he goes home.

''Don't worry, it's going to be okay. He's not mean."

''He's an idiot!'' says Lotte without moving from her brother's arms.

Lucas turns around and goes back to his apartment. He hesitates, looks at the door of his room, then at the chair around the table and finally sits down. His father smiles and sits down in front of him.

''Lucas, I'm sorry. We'll talk about it another day, okay?"

Lucas shakes his head.

''There's nothing to talk about, dad. It's my decision. I'm going to Utrecht whether you agree or not. So if you want a place in my life, you might as well take it now."

His father nods with a sigh and Lucas can't even tell him that it feels good. Now he can't think of anything but Jens, who must be in the middle of a conversation with his parents and he wonders if they're talking about the fact that he's with a guy, or just that he's with him. Jens' father saw his tattoo in his ear, in the back of his neck and the one on his arm, but he couldn't see the most impressive one, so why would he have a problem with that? Is he just scared? Does Lucas look scary? Does he look like a bad boy?

''Your phone rang a couple of times.''

Lucas takes his phone from the table, looks at the four missed calls from Kes and sighs.

_At Kes 9:34 pm_

_I'll call you tomorrow._   
_Rough evening._

_Kes 9h36 pm  
_

_Okay._   
_I can't wait for you to come back, Luc._   
_I miss you._

_At Kes 9:38 P.M._

_Me too.  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tough night...but the following days will be better, let's hope.


	9. Nice to meet you

_Friday 27 November 4:10 pm_

Lucas enters the apartment and puts down his board. Skateboarding without Jens is not the same. He sent an email this morning to the university to tell them he was quitting and he has a meeting on Tuesday with the director of the first years to talk about it. Honestly he has nothing to say, but it will give him a chance to go out and discover the campus for real. Not that it'll do much good, but at least his dad will see that he's serious. 

He opens his bedroom door and his dad's door opens at the same time. 

"Jens came by around 3pm, he was on break, I told him you were out."

Lucas nods his head and his father disappears into his room, his computer was ringing again. Lucas takes out his phone and sits down on his bed. 

_T_ _o Jens 4:13 pm  
_

_Sorry I just got back_  
_I'm sad to have missed you._

_Jens 4:15 pm_

_Don't worry._  
_I was just coming by to invite you to dinner tonight._  
_Do you like hamburgers?_

_To Jens 4:16pm_

_Who doesn't like it?_  
_Are you sure your father will be okay?_  
_Maybe we should give him some time?_

Lucas lies down on his bed, rereading Jens' messages from last night, telling him that he talked with his parents and that his father has calmed down, then telling him several times that everything is fine.

_Jens 4:24 pm_

_I placed the order._  
_I swear my dad has calmed down._  
_It will be just the two of us._  
_I want to keep you for me._  
_I'll pick you up at 7pm._

Lucas smiles and closes his eyes. Jens gives the impression that they're going to have their first date and it's just great. Never could he have imagined that just a few weeks ago. Lucas bites himself inside his mouth, scrolling through the pictures to look at the last one he took with his mother. She's cooking and laughing. Lucas can't even remember why she was laughing, but she's beautiful. That's exactly how he wants to remember her. He wipes away a tear, calls himself an idiot and tries to call Kes but he doesn't pick up. So Lucas gets up and goes to take a shower. He doesn't feel like he takes a lot of time, but when he goes out his father is in the kitchen making himself a drink.

"Dad, I'm going to dinner at Jens' tonight."

His father looks at him and nods with a smile. 

"Okay. Is he still coming tomorrow?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and nods.

"Yeah, I think so."

His father nods and takes the cup of tea he's just served himself.

"Okay, good. I'll make lasagne then. Okay, sorry, I've got to get back to work."

Lucas spends the rest of the day hanging around on his computer, and when the doorbell rings, he's totally ready. He's put on a white and blue shirt and black pants, and he's even styled his hair properly. 

Jens looks at him head to toe before taking a huge smile.

"You're handsome."

Jens is wearing a white T-shirt and black pants, and frankly, this must be the first time Lucas has seen him without a hoodie.

''You're not bad yourself.''

Jens kisses him quickly and then nods at him, showing him his apartment. 

"Ready to go?"

Lucas nods, a huge smile on his lips. 

"Dad, I'm going."

"Are you going home to sleep?"

Lucas watches Jens shaking his head pouting, silently begging Lucas to say no.

"No, you know it's still curfew."

A laugh echoes through the apartment and the two guys start laughing on the landing. 

"I see. Surely you take the barrier gestures with Jens so much to heart. Ok be good. See you tomorrow."

They reach Jens' apartment hand in hand and Lucas almost hears his heart beating in his ears because he is so stressed. They have hardly set foot in the apartment when Lotte appears hopping, a big smile on her face. 

"I'm ready!"

Jens rolls his eyes and gently pushes her away. 

"No, you eat with the parents."

Lotte frowns, immediately losing her smile. 

"Hey, you said it was hamburger and video game night. I want to play!"

Lucas smiles and gently shakes Jens' hand in his.

"Come on, she can play with us for a while. Are you afraid she'll show me that she's better than you?"

Lotte laughs while Jens sighs.

"I'm better than him. Okay, I'll install the console! Thanks Lucas! So much cooler than Jens!"

Jens grunts slightly but Lucas is too busy watching his father, sitting around the kitchen table watching them. Lucas smiles slightly at him, gets up and approaches him.

"Hi, Lucas. I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I reacted a little too quickly. I hope you're doing better. I don't know if you remember, but I helped your dad bring you home, and"

Lucas widens his eyes, loses his smile and lets go of Jens' hand. He vaguely remembers that someone helped his father get him out of the car and into the apartment the first day he arrived here. But he was still so tall that he could barely walk. That's just about the worst Bad he's ever done. And now he is downright ashamed to know that Jens' father saw him in this state.

"I'm really sorry, I swear I'm not normally like this. I was in a really bad place."

Jens' father nods and Jens pulls gently on Lucas' arm but he doesn't move. 

"I lost my mother when I was 30, so I can't imagine what you went through, but I want to make sure you don't drag my son down and''

"Dad! I"

Jens' father turns to him, frowning. 

"I know you didn't wait to smoke weed or sneak out. I just want to make sure you're safe when you're together."

Lucas nods, smiling to see this man taking care of Jens like that, when apparently he's not even his biological father. 

"I swear I'm much better. It's hard but I'm better. I don't want to drag Jens down. I think he's pulling me up."

Jens puts an arm around Lucas's shoulders while his father holds his hand towards him. 

"So let's start from the beginning. Nice to meet you, I'm Andre, Jens' father."

Lucas smiles and shakes his hand. 

"Nice to meet you, I'm Lucas, Jens's boyfriend."

"Well guys! I'll fall asleep waiting for you there!!!"

They starts laughing when he hears the jaded voice of Lotte coming out of Jens' room. 

"Ok, cheer up with Lotte. If you want to get rid of her, let us know."

''What?'' cuts off a female voice behind them. ''Thanks to Jens and Lucas, we'll have a romantic evening.''

''It wasn't at all what I had planned.'' grunts Jens. 

His mother tousled his hair and laughed.

''We pay the restaurant, you keep the little monster.''

Then she comes to strike her elbow against Lucas' elbow.

''Hi Lucas, it's good to see you again. I hope you don't blame my idiot husband for yesterday. You see where Lotte gets her horrible temper from."

Jens' mother looks like the kind of person who always looks happy. She has a big maternal smile on her face and Lucas smiles back at her.

''Everything is cool. I wish you a good evening then."

Jens pulls Lucas' arm and drags him to his room.

''I'm really sorry, I didn't plan it like that at all.''

Lucas laughs and kisses him before entering the bedroom. Lotte is already sitting on Jens' bed with a joystick in her hands and hands the second joystick to Lucas.

''Let me guess, you were born with a joystick in your hands?''

Lotte nods with laughter and starts the running game while Lucas wasn't even sitting down yet.

''Oh yes, she often cheats.'' Jens laughs.

Lucas sits down trying not to lose and Jens sits behind him, putting his arms around his waist. They stay like that until Jens' mother comes to deliver their meal and then play again, and the three of them fall asleep on Jens' bed. And if this wasn't at all how Lucas had imagined their first evening as lovers, he wouldn't change a thing. 

And finally the following evening doesn't necessarily look like a real date because Lucas' father keeps asking Jens questions. And even though Lucas is really happy that they get along and his father seems to want to make a real effort to have him in his life, he just wants to spend some time alone together. They spent Saturday morning sleeping, in the afternoon they went to the skate park with Lotte, and then they watched a movie in Jens' room, but Lucas wasn't really comfortable, being afraid that Lotte would show up unannounced at any time. And that's why as soon as they finished eating, and cleared the table, he pulled Jens by the arm to drag him to his room.

''Okay, we're going to go to my room. Good night, dad.''

His father nods with a smile.

''Good night, guys. See you tomorrow."

They sit next to each other on his bed and Lucas immediately puts his arms around Jens, putting his head on his shoulder.

''Hey, that went well, right? Your dad's pretty cool."

Lucas straight up, frowning and sighs. Jens doesn't know that his dad left like an asshole because he thought his mom was too hard to deal with. That he took a job in another country and told Lucas only a week before he left, not even offering Lucas to come with him. He looks at him but remembers what Jens said to him when they first met: _''I think we all do stupid things when we're in bad shape, we shouldn't be judged on that''._ So Lucas smiles softly at Jens, placing their foreheads against each other.

''Yeah, he's cool.''

Jens kisses him gently, hugging him.

''I missed you.''

Lucas smiles, hugging Jens.

''You too.''

He knows they're idiots because they spent the day together, but he doesn't care. He just wants to undress and stand naked against Jens.

''Do you want''

His cell phone vibrates and it is only when he sees that it is Kes who is calling that he realizes that he has not spoken to him, so he hesitates but finally the call ends.

''Didn't you tell him?''

Lucas shakes his head as he looks at his phone.

""It's hard to find time to talk to each other. I'll call him tomorrow."

Jens nods but seems almost sad, so Lucas strokes his cheek.

''Hey, I'm not hiding you, okay?''

Jens nods but looks at Lucas' phone, as if he wants to tell him that he can call him now and Lucas understands him because he knows that Jens' friends are like his second family.

''Okay'' said Lucas opening the discussion with Kes ''You know what, whatever.''

_At Kes 9:03 pm._

_Sorry, I'm with my boyfriend._  
_That's what I wanted to tell you._  
_I have a boyfriend._

_Kes 9:06 pm_

_Okay._  
_I understood in the first line, Luc!_  
_Have a good evening😛😙!_  
_I'll call you tomorrow._  
_Wait ! What's his name?_

Lucas smiles and sends him a picture taken this afternoon at the skate park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait to arrive at the meeting with Jens' friends...and it will be tomorrow! I hope you're looking forward to it too.


	10. I'm really happy to see you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So today is a cross-over episode between my two fics. I advise you to read this chapter first... 
> 
> I hope you'll like it...

_Sunday 29 November, 4:08 am._

Lucas tries to move, to get up because he's cold on the floor but he just has no strength left. He can't get his head up, but he knows everyone is looking at him. He gets a first blow to the face, then another, and soon there are dozens and dozens of buns coming at him. 

"You killed your mother, Lucas."

Lucas raises his head and looks at Jens standing in front of him.

"Lucas, Lucas, listen to me, open your eyes."

Lucas jumps back and looks at his bedroom almost panicking before he bursts into tears. Jens holds him against him and gently caresses his back.

"It was a nightmare, it's all right, Luc. I'm here."

Lucas nods his head, trying to calm down but he can't stop that voice in his head telling him it's all his fault. 

"You want to tell me about it?"

Lucas shakes his head, burying his head in Jens' chest so as not to look at him.

"I killed my mother."

Jens strokes his hair gently before kissing him on the forehead.

"I'm sure that's not the case."

Lucas sighs but nods without moving. 

''I'm still having the same dream actually. It's... it's more like a memory because it really happened. I was supposed to meet Kes for a party and my mom asked me to go buy some buns because I love to eat those for breakfast and the afternoon went by and I forgot about it. When I got home at 8 o'clock she was nowhere to be found. And it was the police who arrived at 9 o'clock to tell me that she had been in a car accident and that she had died. I don't know why she took the car. There were times when she was really not doing well, so I don't know if she was aware of what she was doing. I don't know if she was looking for me, if she was going to get her fucking buns or if she just wanted to kill herself. I should have paid more attention to her. "

Jens says nothing, and Lucas even wonders if he hasn't fallen asleep so he looks up at him and Jens smiles tenderly at him.

"It wasn't your fault, Luc. She knew where you were, right?"

Lucas feels his tears coming up so he hides his face against Jens again.

"Yes, but..."

"You had the right to forget the buns, Luc. She probably thought you would bring them back in the morning. I don't know what happened, but you are not responsible."

Lucas shakes his head, starting to cry again. 

"If I had stayed home that night, she wouldn't have gone out."

Jens sighs softly, still caressing his back.

"Maybe she would have gone out the next day. She could have had an accident while you were in class. You are not responsible, Luc. Is that why you hurt yourself?"

Lucas frowns, walking away from Jens and sitting on his bed, putting his hand on his tattoo as if by reflex. Jens shakes his head as he sits down, taking his hand in his own. 

"I'm not talking about that, Luc. I'm talking about this."

He runs a finger over the scars on his inner thighs and Lucas startled then stay completely frozen. 

"It's nothing, Luc. It's all right. It's just me."

Lucas lowers his head, Jens having already removed his hand.

"When did you see him?"

Jens smiles softly, caressing his cheek tenderly.

"I saw him when I took off your jeans the other day. Your boxer don't cover them."

Lucas looks at his black boxer, which actually only hides half of the scars.

"It was just one time. Maybe two. After the funeral. I didn't know what else to do to stop the pain."

Jens nods, bending over gently and pulls Lucas against him. 

"Have you told anyone?"

Lucas steps back, shaking his head. 

"I don't want to see a shrink. I'm not crazy, okay?"

Jens frowns slightly.

"You don't have to be crazy to see a shrink."

Lucas shakes his head again.

"I don't need a shrink. I'm getting by, okay? I just need some time. And to return at my home."

Jens nods, lies down and pulls Lucas to sleep against him.

"Okay." 

Jens gently strokes his back, and it's kind of nice to see that even though they're both in their underwear in bed, it doesn't necessarily become sexual. 

"Thanks."

Jens squeezes him a little more and kisses his hair. 

"I just want you to feel good."

Lucas raises his head to kiss him tenderly before hugging him again.

"I feel good with you."

Lucas doesn't see him but he is sure that Jens's smiling. 

"I feel good with you, too, Luc."

Lucas thought back on that sentence the following Tuesday, while waiting for Jens outside his high school, wondering if it was really a good idea. He got out of his college appointment just ten minutes ago and wanted to take advantage of being there to see what Jens' high school looks like. And then finally Jens finishes school in fifteen minutes so he might as well wait for him, right? But now that he's waiting, the more the minutes go by, the more he wonders if Jens will be okay with it. He knows that he wanted to do a video aperitif on Friday with his friends so that they could meet virtually and now that Lucas is waiting, he wonders if Jens will be happy, surprised or embarrassed that Lucas is there. So he thinks back on everything Jens has told him: that he loves him, that he wants to be with him, that he can't wait to introduce him to his friends. 

He looks at the time and realizes that there are only ten minutes left before class is over and he panics outright, deciding that this was a very bad idea, so he pulls away from the pole he was leaning on and

"Lucas? Oh great, it's so nice to meet you."

Lucas frowns as he looks at the brown guy holding him by the arm, preventing him from running away, then smiles as he looks at his mask that says _"We can be heroes"_ with a lightning bolt. It's hard to recognize someone you've only seen in a photo, half hidden by a mask, but only one person can know him here, and have a mask personalized with Bowie's words.

"Sander? Robbe's boyfriend?"

The guy smiles, Lucas can see it in his eyes, even he can't see his lips hidden by his mask.

"The one and only."

Lucas smiles at him. He imagined him to be taller. Sander takes his arm off but Lucas doesn't want to leave now, because he seems really happy to see him.

"I was already happy to surprise Robbe by picking him up, I'm even happier. Jens could have told us that you were coming, I would have come to meet you. You are the favorite topic of discussion among the brooers at the moment."

Lucas chuckles, then looks at the school.

"He doesn't know I'm here. I actually had an appointment, and since it just ended, I thought I'd pick him up, but...I don't know if that's a good idea, actually."

Sander puts his hand on Lucas' shoulder in a reassuring gesture.

"He's going to be thrilled, don't worry. It's funny, Robbe doesn't know I'm there either. My therapist moved my appointment so I'm just getting out."

"Are you going to see a shrink?"

Lucas regrets his question almost immediately, but Sander doesn't seem surprised or displeased. He just shrugs his shoulders.

"Yeah. I was in a really bad way before I was with Robbe. Now I want to be fine for him so yeah, I go every week. My therapist is cool."

Lucas frowns in turn.

"Did Jens ask you to tell me about this?"

Sander looks surprised and shakes his head.

"What? No. Why would he do that?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and sighs.

"He thinks it would be good for me but I don't see how anyone could help me. No one's gonna bring my mom back."

Sander puts his hand back on Lucas' shoulder and he's sure smiling under his mask.

"No one can change the way my brain works, but therapy helps me not to mess it up and that's good enough."

The bell rings and Sander steps back slightly, lowering his mask to under his chin. The door opens, revealing a stream of students and suddenly a scream is heard and a brown boy jumps into Sander's arms, kissing him through his mask, as if he had completely forgotten him. Sander lowers him down so he can kiss him properly and Lucas feels like a voyeur but he can't help but look at them, they are so cute. A second scream is heard and Lucas turns his head to see Aaron appear. He recognizes him without any problem because of his curly hair.

"At last! I missed you buddy!"

Aaron pushes Robbe hard so he can hug Sander, causing Robbe to growl.

"Hey! 3 feet, Aaron." 

Robbe pushes Aaron but he hardly moves, looking at Sander and even though he's wearing a mask, it's clear that he's smiling.

"I missed you too much, how are you? Are you still putting up with our Mr. Grumpy?"

Robbe grunts something and Sander kisses him tenderly on the forehead. And that's when Lucas feels it: jealousy. He's not sure if he can be so close to Jens, like that, in the street, in front of everyone. It's clear that if they were in Utrecht, he really wouldn't be able to do it, so he wonders if Robbe and Sander have always been like that or if they had trouble with public demonstrations in the beginning. 

"Luc!"

Jens jumps on him so fast that Lucas is startled because he didn't see it coming at all. Jens puts his arms around him and holds him in a tight hug.

''I'm so glad you're here.''

He quickly pulls their masks down for an almost stolen kiss as Aaron hallucinates next to them.

"No...no... no! I can't believe it! Is that him?."

Jens breaks the kiss laughing and puts his arm around Lucas' shoulders.

"Of course it's him. Aaron, this is Lucas, my boyfriend."

Aaron looks at them, does not seem to believe it and then starts laughing.

"I was starting to think you didn't exist. I'm so happy to meet you. I've been waiting for this for so long."

Jens rolls his eyes while Aaron hits him on the elbow.

"It's only been a week since we've really been together, it hasn't been that long either."

Aaron shrugs his shoulders.

"It seemed like a really long time."

Robbe pushes him slightly and comes over and hits his elbow against Lucas' elbow.

"I'm really happy to see you."

Lucas smiles as he looks at him.

"I'm really happy to see you too. Jens told me a lot about you. About you two."

Robbe looks at Sander and then frowns slightly, which makes his boyfriend laugh.

"We've been talking for at least ten minutes, waiting for you babies. That's what it's like to date high school boys."

Robbe rolls his eyes while Lucas laughs, winking at Jens.

"You heard that, _baby_."

Jens grunts, but kisses Lucas' cheek without stopping smiling, looking really happy that he came to wait for him and it allows Lucas to finally relax.

"Ijzermans, your mask! Stoffels, same. No sitting in front of the school. Go on, go home."

They all wave to the school principal and the five of them start walking.

"Where's moyo?" Ask Aaron, looking behind them.

"He left with Kato." Jens answers, slipping his hand into Lucas' hand. "Too bad, he'll wait until Friday to get to know you."

Lucas smiles, happy that Jens's so happy. He can't even remember why he was afraid a few minutes ago.

"Aaron, didn't you have a driving lesson?" Ask Robbe.

Aaron stops walking, says "oh shit" before running away. He comes back, hugs Sander and then Lucas.

"I can't wait till Friday. Come back next Tuesday. You two!"

He runs away, says "I love you guys" which makes the 4 boys laugh.

"I missed him so much." Says Sander "Aaron is a breath of fresh air."

Robbe stops walking to look at him and, as they were walking in front of Jens and Lucas, they have to stop too.

"What? What about me?"

Sander chuckles and lowers his mask.

"You are my oxygen."

Sander pulls Robbe's mask off to kiss him before turning towards Jens and Lucas. 

"Shall we go somewhere for a drink?"

Robbe rolls his eyes putting their masks back on.

"Bars are closed, babe, but we can go home, my mom won't say anything. How about a beer?"

Lucas looks at Jens who looks at him smiling, letting him choose the apartment.

"Of course, with pleasure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow the chapter will still be dedicated to the 4 boys, but we won't see the same moments in the two fics, so it won't be too double.
> 
> but in the meantime, I look forward to hearing what you think of this chapter.


	11. You're a fucking liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are reading my two fics, please read chapter 39 of WtFockdown 2.0 before reading this one.

_Tuesday, December 1st 6:26 pm_

"Stop!" Robbe yells "Lucas, you're a liar!''

Lucas looks Robbe in the eyes, almost defying him with his look and then sigh.

''Oh shit! How do you do that?"

Robbe smiles and Lucas retrieves the cards. 

''Damn, I almost won!''

Robbe smiles, and Lucas puts a new card in the middle.

''Heart''.

"No one can lie to me!" hums Robbe as he waits to put down his card.

Lucas looks at Jens then Sander and finishes with Robbe then takes a big smile.

''Liar! You are smiling."

Robbe smiles even more.

"Yeah. I'm a great bluffer!"

Robbe turns over his card and Lucas sighs as he looks at the lady at heart.

''Oh damn! Robbe, I hate you!"

Robbe laughs, picking up the cards to give them to Lucas.

"I know."

Jens and Sander start laughing as they look at them and Lucas smiles. He could never have imagined getting along so well and so quickly with Jens' friends.

"Spades'' announces Jens as he puts down his card.

Sander pulls out his phone and takes out a huge smile.

''Damn it, stop everything. Lucas, what are you doing on Friday at 2 pm?"

Lucas looks up from his cards to see Sander who is obviously waiting for an answer and shrugs his shoulders.

''uh...nothing, why?''

Sander smiles, answering something on his phone while Robbe bends over to look at what he's writing. Robbe takes a huge smile before kissing him on the cheek.

''I love you, babe. You're unbelievable."

Sander shakes his head, kissing him before looking at Lucas.

''There's a guy in my class, Karel, he works for Larian Studios, you know?''

Lucas nods and smiles.

"He's the biggest Belgian video game designer, of course. I loved Divinity 2, why?"

Sander takes a huge smile.

''Karel works for them on the weekends. He's in my art class, but he's really into gamer design. I just told him about you, and if you want he'll take you to there on Friday. They're looking for guys to try out their new games before they come out. I'm not sure if it's paid for, but he talked about it in class, so since you said you like games, I thought you might like it. So, what do you think?"

Lucas stands there for a few seconds, wondering why Sander would do all this for him. 

"Hey... I don't know. Aren't they in Gant?"

Sander nods with a smile.

"Yes, they are. He's going by train in less than an hour I think."

Lucas nods, but he can't think of anything else but the fact that in 30 days he is supposed to leave Utrecht. He knows that nothing really pushes him to leave, but that's what he was going to do and his friends are waiting for him. Jens' hand slips into his and he bends over to kiss him on the temple.

"You don't have to give an answer right away, Luc."

Robbe gets up, kissing Sander on the cheek again.

''I'm going to pee. Shall I bring some more beer?"

Jens nods, and Sander shakes his head.

''A coke for me, baby, thanks.''

Robbe comes back to him to kiss him and Robbe nods at Jens.

''Okay, Jens, will you help me?''

Jens frowns as he looks at Sander and then nods. And frankly, it almost feels weird to be alone with Sander. 

''I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, I thought it would help you get on with your day, because that seems to be your thing. Since I've been in art school, it's been going really well for me. I used to hate classes, now I love them."

Lucas looks at him, trying to smile, but he doesn't understand why Sander and Robbe are so nice to him.

''Why are you doing this for me?''

Sander smiles tenderly and bends over to pick up the cards left on the bed.

''My boyfriend's best friend's boyfriend is my friend.''

Lucas smiles and Sander looks at him tenderly.

''I mean it. Honestly, what do you lose by going to see? Tell me you have better things to do."

Lucas sighs and shrugs his shoulders.

''Okay, I'll go.''

Sander smiles and bends over to type on his phone.

''Thanks, Sander.''

Sander raises his head and smiles.

''That's normal among friends, isn't it?''

Lucas nods with a smile but inside his head it's crazy. On the one hand, there was his plan already all worked out: he had to wait for his birthday and go home to his friends and his old life; and now a second plan is starting to appear: what if he stayed here, made new friends, took advantage of his boyfriend and only returned to Utrecht once in a while? The problem is that he had never thought he wanted to stay so badly, and

"Sander went there once," says Robbe as he returns to the room with Jens.

"Where did I go?"

"To Utrecht. I told Jens that it would be nice if we could go with him for a weekend to see Lucas, if you want, Luc. You could show us the city."

Lucas nods and takes his beer.

''Yeah, sure.''

And it's there, as Jens smiles at the thought, that Lucas thinks that maybe he shouldn't change his plans. Jens has always been okay with him leaving, maybe it's actually working out for him. Maybe he finds it less stifling as a relationship. Does he currently find Lucas stifling? Does he put up with it because he knows that in a month he will be further away and they will see less of each other?

''Luc? Hey babe, are you okay?"

Lucas is almost startled when Jens touches him and spills some beer on the bed.

''Oh, shit, I'm sorry. Shit."

Now Lucas just wants to cry and leave and hide, but Robbe reaches down and puts his hand on his knee.

''Hey, it doesn't matter. Sander ruined the comforter with pencil, it had to be washed anyway. Who cares, Luc. It's okay."

Lucas looks at Robbe and smiles.

''Thanks. Sorry."

"Are you all right?" asks Jens again.

Lucas nods, curling up against him.

''Yes, of course. I'm just really happy to be here, that's all."

Robbe smiles a little more and takes the cards from Sander's hands to deal them.

''Ok, Friday expect the worst with Aaron. Even in video, he can be too much. He's great, but sometimes he asks questions without really thinking, so if you don't want to, don't answer.

Sander rolls his eyes before taking a sip of soda.

''He's not mean, he's funny.''

Robbe sighs and looks at Lucas again.

''I'm just saying that he can be too intrusive. I'm sure he's going to want to play a game, like action or truth, or I never have. But don't worry, it'll be cool. Our first night with a new broerrs."

Lucas smiles as he puts down his card, then watches the others play and looks at Robbe.

"Robbe, you're a fucking liar!"

Robbe bursts out laughing and turns over his card before picking up the deck.

"Yeah! You're getting to know me well."

They both start laughing and Lucas smiles. Jens gently strokes his lower back, looking really happy that they get along, and it makes Lucas really happy too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't wait to hear what you think...


	12. I don't know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone.
> 
> I hope you're doing well.

_Friday, December 4th, 6:13 pm  
_

_Jens, 6h13 pm_

_Why haven't I heard from you since Wednesday noon?_

Lucas looks at the message and then frowns with a sigh.

_To Jens 6:15 pm_

_I sent you 2 messages this morning._

_Jens 18h16_

_"Ok" and "Of course"..._   
_I'm paranoid or you've been avoiding me for two days?_

Lucas sighs and puts his phone on his desk. He can't really lie and say he's not doing it because that's exactly what he's doing. Since Wednesday he finds an excuse every time Jens offers to come and see him because he's totally lost. Every time he's with Jens he wants to organize everything to stay here, and every time, as it happened on Wednesday lunchtime, Jens talks to him about how they will see each other on the weekend when Lucas is back in Utrecht. He looks so happy when he talks about it that Lucas can see that this is what Jens wants. 

And it hurts a bit. The day Jens came back to him, he told him that he wanted to be his reason to stay. And since then he just talks about Lucas leaving, never questioning it and doesn't even seem sad about it. 

And then there's Kes, Isa, Ralph and all the others who look forward to his return. And when Lucas thinks about them, he really wants to come home. 

So since Wednesday, he's just trying to give Jens some space, so that he doesn't feel suffocated.

The bedroom door opens and Jens frowns as he looks at him, while standing on the doorstep.

"Hi."

Lucas turns to look at him and smiles at him. 

"Hi."

Jens puts his head on the doorframe and sighs.

"Your father let me in. I don't want to intrude, but I want to know what's going on. Is it because of my friends?"

Lucas stands up immediately, shaking his head.

"What? No! They're really cools. And then there's nothing anyway. I was just busy. Sorry about that."

Jens squints and looks at Lucas before backing up.

"If it' s to lie to me, there' s no point, Luc."

Lucas catches him before Jens touches the front door handle. 

"I'm sorry, Jens. I just wanted to give you some space."

Jens turns around and puts his arms around Lucas' shoulders to hold him.

"Who said I wanted it? Isn't it you who wants it? Do you think I'm too clingy?"

Lucas shakes his head against his boyfriend's chest and sighs.

"No. Of course not. I just..."

Lucas pulls Jens by the hand into his room and incites him to sit on the bed next to him, lowering his eyes to look at their joined hands.

"Please talk to me. I can see there's something wrong, Luc."

Lucas nods, shaking Jens' hand a little harder in his.

"Every time you talk about next year and how happy you'll be to come to see me or when I'll be back here it feels like you're just waiting for me to leave. So I thought maybe I'm smothering you a little too much."

Jens is stunned for a few seconds and then swallows and Lucas sees that he's really thinking about what he's going to say.

"Jens, that's good, okay? I was just telling you why I thought that, but you don't have to feel guilty about being happy that I'm leaving at the end of the month. It was planned that way even before we were together, I understand that"

"You don't understand anything, fuck! "Jens gets angry, so he lets go of Lucas' hands to stand in front of him "I think I was pretty clear when I said I wanted you to stay for me."

Lucas looks at him then shrugs his shoulders. 

"You haven't spoken about it since, I thought that"

"Well, you think wrong! I don't bring it up again because I don't want to make you feel guilty and I don't want you to stay just to please me. I want you to want to stay. And I understand that you want to go back to that place you've always known and where your friends are, but I don't want you out of my life. That's why I'm trying to imagine how we're going to live when you're away from me, but of course I want you to stay. I don't even know how you can imagine the opposite."

Lucas feels his chin trembling and exhales slowly to try to control himself, and Jens sits on his lap, wrapping him in his arms. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to yell, but I can't believe you can imagine that. I love you, you idiot."

Lucas steps back slightly just so he can look at him before kissing him. And that's when he realizes how much he missed it, even though it's only been two days. 

"I'm sorry." 

Jens laughs as he kisses his cheek.

"Good. Don't ghost me again."

Jens' lips are back on his before Lucas can say that it wasn't at all what he intended to do. Lucas strokes Jens' lower back before hugging him, resting his chin on his shoulder. 

"What if I finally stayed?"

Jens almost startled and steps back to put his forehead against his own.

"Do you think you could stay? Do you want to stay?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and Jens loses his smile.

"I don't know, I'm really lost."

Jens gently caresses his cheek and sighs.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do because I think you have to decide for yourself. I don't want to decide for you and be blamed for it afterwards. But I want you to know that whatever you decide, I'll be okay with it and we'll make it work the best we can. But yes, I would be happy if you stay, if it makes you happy too."

Lucas nods, sighing, really not knowing what to do and Jens makes him smile by kissing him on the nose.

"You don't have to decide now. Take some time to really think about it and tell me when you're sure. It's really hard for me to imagine you leaving. I don't want to get my hopes up by imagining that you might stay if you don't eventually. I just want you to be happy, okay?"

Lucas nods, hugging Jens again.

"Thanks. I love you so much."

Jens gently strokes his hair and they both stay like this for a while. 

"Can I still participate in the aperitif game tonight?"

Jens steps back and smiles before kissing Lucas. 

"Of course, Aaron would be too disappointed if it wasn't the case. In the meantime, let's prepare food for later, and you tell me about your visit to Gant?"

Lucas nods with a smile and they walk into the kitchen hand in hand. Jens steals several kisses from him while preparing a tray and Lucas smiles as he puts his arms around his waist. Maybe Jens is right, maybe he shouldn't make up his mind today and just take it one day at a time. 

"Do you want to sleep here tonight?"

Jens pretends to hesitate, but Lucas is fine that he was already planning to do it.

"I don't know" laughs Jens "I didn't take my pajamas."

Lucas laughs, knowing very well that Jens doesn't wear any and gently caresses his lower back.

"Good, I didn't expect to need them."

Jens smiles and nods gently before kissing him.

" So with pleasure. I feel like canceling the visio so I can go to bed early. I feel funny tired all of a sudden."

Lucas starts laughing, immediately joined by Jens.


	13. I like it.

_Friday, December 4th 10:57 pm_

"That went pretty well, didn't it?" asks Lucas, unsure of himself.

''Are you kidding? They loved you. Aaron must think you're so cool. How's it going? Wasn't too hard for you, was it?"

Lucas is shaking his head when he shuts down his computer.

''No, it was cool. They're really nice. I hope we can meet up with you in person soon. Not just quickly out of school."

Jens smiles and sits down again on Lucas' bed, opening his arms to come and hold him. Lucas joins him and sits on his thighs, letting his legs extend over the bed before bending over to kiss him.

He lets his hands slide under Jens' sweater, touching his skin so warm, letting go of his lips to kiss his neck. Jens smiles and pulls his sweater to take it off, before removing Lucas' sweater. 

"I love to feel your skin," Jens whispers, "Your skin is always so cold."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders, finding that Jens is the one who is always warm, but he just gently bites his neck in response.

''I want you.''

Lucas purses his lips, almost shocked to have said it out loud, almost hoping that Jens didn't hear it. But Jens steps back slightly to look him in the eye.

''Like really? Do you want us...I...you"

Jens stammers, seeming downright more sure of himself and Lucas regrets his words even more.

''No. Sorry, I don't know why I said that. Well, because it's true, but we don't have to do it tonight. I just want to be with you."

Jens nods and opens the button on Lucas' jeans before pushing it slightly, without stopping kissing him to get him to stand up. He takes off his jeans and gets rid of his own at the same time. 

Lucas smiles and passes his hand through the opening on the front of Jens' boxer shorts to be able to caress him. He gently takes out his hard dick and squats down to be able to take it in his mouth, making Jens moan. Lucas licks him gently and raises his eyes to look at him. Jens puts one of his hands in front of his mouth so as not to make too much noise and his head falls back.

He gently pulls Lucas' arms so that he gets up and kisses him tenderly before pushing him to lie down on the bed. He puts himself between his legs and peppers his chest with kisses before going down and freeing Lucas' cock from his boxer.

''You don't have to do this, Jens.''

Jens shakes his head, placing two kisses along the length of Lucas.

''I want. If you want to?"

Lucas nods with a smile and the next moment he can't think of anything else but Jens' lips on his dick. It's so good, hot and exciting that he really has to hold it in so he doesn't come right away. Jens moves a little bit, letting his tongue caress the bottom of his cock and it's just divine.

''Fuck, god, yes.''

Jens stops and goes up, lying down next to Lucas, a big smile on his face.

''I like it."

Lucas frowns slightly.

'This nickname. God. Yeah, that's good enough for me."

Lucas laughs and then puts a hand in front of his mouth to hide the sound, while Jens kisses him from cheek to ear.

"What do you wanna do, babe?"

Lucas gently caresses Jens' waist, all the way down to his lower back.

"I want you to make love to me."

Jens nods, smiling with a kiss and then steps back.

''Do you have what it takes? Condoms, lube?"

Lucas raises his eyes to the sky then shakes his head, sighing his lack of preparation. Maybe he should have called Ralph for advice.

''No. Sorry."

Jens kisses him, biting him lightly in the neck, moving his hips to rub their dicks together.

"Okay, never mind."

Lucas freezes and then gently pushes Jens aside.

''I don't want to do without. Not yet."

Jens stops and gently caresses Lucas' cheek, smiling before huddling up against him.

''I wanted to say ''Never mind, we won't do it tonigh.'' not ''Never mind, we'll do it without''. I have this at home, a friend explained a lot of things to me and gave me all this, but it's not discreet if I go there now. We can do other things tonight, right?''

Lucas raises an eyebrow, his cheeks are red in front.

''A friend, like Robbe?''

Jens starts giggling and shaking his head.

"No. He's my best friend, but he's not talking about sex. He asked his old roommate to talk to me about it, like he did with him. Mika is cool. It was a pretty cool conversation."

Lucas smiles, holding Jens against him.

''Sorry I stopped you like that.''

Jens shakes his head before kissing him.

''You did the right thing, okay? Don't ever let me do anything you don't want me to do. Don't worry, I want to do what's best for you, too, okay? It's normal to use condoms, I didn't intend to do without them.''

Lucas sighs, trying to find the best way to say it. Jens looks at him and smiles.

''Yes, I've done it before without. We had been a couple for several months and we had a relationship of trust. I'm not saying I don't trust, but I think it's better to start with. And then I want to get tested before, just to make sure, even though I have no doubts. Do you understand?''

Lucas nods with a smile.

''Yeah, I was actually thinking the same thing.''

''Great. Then for tonight, I'd like to finish you off with my mouth."

Lucas moans, Jens' words going straight to his dick. Jens kisses him gently in the neck before going down his chest again and taking Lucas' dick in his mouth.

''Fuck, yeah.''

Lucas runs one hand through his hair to get a better look at him, and it's just unbelievable. 

''Oh Jens! Fuck!"

Lucas tries to step back but Jens holds him in place and Lucas comes into his mouth, shaking with his whole body. Jens coughs and then comes back to lie down next to him.

"It's weird if I ask you what it's like?" Lucas asks once his breathing is calm again.

Jens shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''I don't know. It's warm. Thicker than I thought it would be. But it's actually pretty good."

Jens' cheeks are all red and Lucas knows his can't get any better.

''May I?''

Jens nods with a smile and Lucas pulls him to his knees on the bed before taking it in his mouth. Jens puts his back against the wall, moving his hips slightly and moaning louder and louder. It's probably not loud enough for Lucas' father to hear them, but definitely enough to make Lucas proud.

''Babe, I'm coming.''

Lucas nods, grabbing Jens' dick as far as he can and startled when Jens comes into his mouth. He swallows it without asking himself too many questions and then sucks Jens' dick gently again before he pulls it towards him.

They look at each other smiling and Jens puts a hand on the back of his neck, pulling it towards him to kiss him. Their tongues mix, and the kiss tastes funny, but it's the hottest thing Lucas ever imagined.

Jens pulls them back so they both fall back on the bed and Lucas puts his head on his chest. He closes his eyes, just wanting to wait for his breathing to fully return to normal before talking, but when he reopens his eyes, Jens sleeps peacefully. Lucas kisses his chest, then rests his head on it and closes his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two are going to celebrate Saint Nicolas in a very different way from the others...😁 😆


	14. The best orgasm of my life.

_Friday, December 5, 6:24 pm_

''Do you think you could cut my hair?''

Jens giggles and turns to Lucas who is in his arms, gently stroking his hair. They are lying in Lucas' bed and they have done absolutely nothing all day except kiss and cuddle.

''Do you want to cut your hair?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and turns around, all his hair falling out in front of his eyes.

''Yeah, they are too long, You said you've cut your hair alone before, did it look good or was it awful?"

Jens smiles and pushes Lucas' hair back from his forehead.

''No, it wasn't bad. I can try it if you want, but don't bitch if it looks bad, okay?"

Lucas smiles and kisses Jens before getting out of bed to get dressed.

''Okay. But you better make it right. Otherwise Zwarte Piet will come looking for you."

Jens rolls his eyes, getting up in turn. 

''Nosense. I'm sure you were afraid of it when you were little."

''Of course, all children are afraid of him.''

Jens shakes his head, growing up and taking a smug face.

''No, not me.''

Lucas laughs, wrapping his arms around Jens.

''I don't believe it for a second.''

Jens starts laughing and then pulls Lucas by the waist to get closer to him.

''You're right, I was terrified. I would spend the evening of December 5 awake to listen to the slightest noise, and until I was 10 I ended up sleeping with my parents.''

Lucas burst out laughing, before kissing him.

''You are too cute.''

They kiss each other as if they hadn't done it for several weeks and Lucas gently pushes Jens to sit on the bed, but Jens doesn't move.

''You have to choose, it's this or your haircut.''

Lucas pretends to think and then takes a big smile.

''You cut my hair, and then I'll have to take a shower, rigth? Can we take it together?"

Jens opens his eyes, the idea of being naked in the shower with Lucas makes his cheeks immediately blush.

"And your father?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and kisses Jens' neck.

''We spent the day in my room, Jens, he's not stupid. And then it's just a shower."

Jens shakes his head, kissing Lucas from his lips to his ear.

''It can't be just a shower and you know it.''

Lucas smiles but steps back and opens his bedroom door.

''I'll get the scissors ready.''

Lucas closes the door, giving Jens time to get dressed and greets his father who is watching Sinterklaas, the arrival of St. Nicholas on TV.

"Jens is going to cut my hair."

His father smiles and nods.

''Okay. The result can't be worse than what you have now."

Jens bursts out laughing behind him and Lucas rolls his eyes as he walks into the bathroom. He looks at himself in the mirror and smiles.

''It's not so bad.''

Jens wraps his arms around his waist, kissing his neck.

''You are really beautiful.''

Lucas laughs when Jens tickles his neck with his nose and takes out a pair of scissors.

''Come on, let's go. I trust you."

Lucas sits on the stool in front of the sink and looks at Jens who hesitates.

''Come on, it will grow back anyway.''

He watches the strands of hair fall one after the other and starts to think it's a lot, but finally when he looks at himself, it's really good.

''Damn, you did a good job. You're good.''

Jens takes a shitty look and winks at him.

''Yeah, they all say that.''

Lucas hits him on the arm and Jens kisses him on the neck but must regret it because he spends the next minute removing the little hairs from his tongue. Lucas gets up and locks the bathroom door before turning on the shower water and takes off his clothes.

''You still want to?"

Jens undresses nodding and Lucas takes his hand and pulls him under the hot water jet with him. They stay for two minutes, just like that, nested inside each other, simply standing under the hot water jet.

''I'm really good with you.''

Jens gently strokes his lower back, as if to tell him he feels the same way and captures his lips with his. Lucas lines up his cock against Jens' so he can caress them at the same time and gently guides Jens' hand towards his ass.

''You can, if you want.''

Jens nods, taking up Lucas' lips with his own, then turns them so that it is Lucas who is under the water jet. He crouches down in front of him before taking his cock in his mouth and Lucas puts his back against the shower wall. Jens' hand turns around his hole and it's really a weird feeling. It's not as if Lucas has never touched himself, but then he can't really anticipate the moment when Jens will get inside him and it's super exciting. Jens seems to hesitate but Lucas doesn't say anything, being already too excited by all this. And then finally, Jens gently presses his finger so that he enters and Lucas gasps, pushing his head back so that he lets go of his dick.

''Wait, it's just...give me time...just your fingers, please.''

Jens nods and gently moves his finger back and forth while putting several kisses on Lucas' belly. Lucas closes his eyes, trying to concentrate on how it feels when Jens pushes a second finger inside him. It burns slightly, but it's so exciting that it's not really serious. Lucas feels his body relax around his fingers, and it's only when Jens takes his dick in his mouth that he realizes that his erection has completely fallen off. But Jens doesn't even seem to pay any attention to it, he twists his tongue around his dick, which swells up almost immediately, becoming almost painful. Lucas can't stop moving, urging Jens' fingers to go deeper and he closes his eyes, imagining Jens' cock instead of his fingers. And it is this thought that makes him come, wrenching a hoarse groan out of him.

''Oh God, yes.''

Jens delicately removes his fingers and straightens up with a huge smile.

''I told you it would become my nickname.''

Lucas taps his chest while rolling his eyes and then hugs him.

''It was really good.''

Jens smiles, seems to hesitate then kisses Lucas before whispering in his ear.

''Are you doing the same to me? I...I'd like to try."

Lucas looks at him, hesitant and Jens smiles shyly back.

''Have you ever touched yourself?''

Jens shakes his head, looking totally embarrassed now.

''No. But it looked so good for you, I wish...you don't have to. I'm just wondering why it looks even better."

Lucas kisses him tenderly, letting one of his hands gently caress him before kneeling down in front of him to suck it off.

''You stop me as soon as you don't like it anymore, okay?''

Jens nods and Lucas sees him close his eyes as he puts his head on the shower wall. He tries to go as gently as Jens did with him, twisting around before gently pushing a finger in. Jens moans, and since he's never done it before, Lucas thinks that one finger is enough for today.

"I want more."

Lucas smiles as he continues sucking Jens, inserting a second finger next to the first. Jens moans, putting his hand in Lucas' hair and pulling it slightly.

"Fuck, yes... I...one more."

Lucas hesitates, pushing his fingers deeper to satisfy him but Jens grunts.

''One more, babe."

Lucas inserts an extra finger and Jens reaches out with a groan, much too loud.

''Damn it, Luc, yes.''

Lucas doesn't even have time to tell him to shut up that Jens comes into his mouth, moaning even louder. Lucas has just enough time to remove his fingers to catch up with him and help him stand up because Jens' leg muscles seem to be reduced to mush.

''Wow, that was incredible. The best orgasm of my life. Oh god."

Jens laughs and Lucas smiles, kissing him on the neck.

''I thought I heard that, yeah.''

Jens puts his hand in front of his mouth, his cheeks turning a beautiful pinkish color.

''Oh shit, I'm sorry. Oh, fuck, your dad."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders, holding Jens against him.

''He'll know I'm good. Come on, let's wash up and get out of here before he turns off the water."

Finally, when they come out of the bathroom, the apartment is empty, and there's a note on the kitchen table.

_I went for a walk._

Lucas doesn't even want to imagine if his father had already planned to leave or if he left because he heard them, so he just smiles and looks at Jens.

''What do you want to do?"

Jens points to the door on a whim.

''Go to my house? Help Lotte get her shoe ready, and take some supplies to brighten up our night, if you still feel like it?"

Lucas nods and puts on his shoes so quickly that he puts on those of Jens. But after all, it doesn't matter, they don't have a long way to go, so he squats down to tie the shoelace, and Jens takes a picture of him at that moment.


	15. Have a real conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi evreybody ! I won't forget this fic, I promise...
> 
> Come on, a little jump in time...

_Friday, December 11th 4:42 pm_

His phone rings for the sixth time in a row so Lucas interrupts his video game and picks up the call.

''Luc! Finally! I'm really mad at you."

Lucas sighs and lets go of his controller to sit on his bed.

''Hi, Isa. It's good to hear from you too, it's been a long time."

''Long time? You're kidding, right? Why I haven't heard from you since St. Nicholas' Day?"

Lucas sighs and puts his head against the wall behind him. Isa is so dramatic sometimes.

''I answered your text message two days ago.''

Lucas hears sighing on the phone and already knows he's going to get yelled at.

''Are you kidding? I've sent you at least six messages to see how you're doing and you just said, _''I'm fine."_ So now quit fucking around and tell me what's wrong."

''Nothing, I'm fine.''

His phone makes the sound of a notification and it's actually Isa asking to switch the call to video, which Lucas almost reluctantly accepts.

''Okay, just tell me, look me in the eye.''

Lucas looked at her and sighed.

''It's nothing, okay? I'm a little confused, but I'm fine."

Isa smiled, with a sweet smile as she's used to and is obviously waiting for Lucas to say more. But as Lucas says nothing more, she rolls her eyes.

''Okay. Is this about your father? Coming back here? Or Jens?"

Lucas sighs and runs a hand through her hair.

''Yeah, pretty much all that. I don't know if I still want to go to Utrecht."

Lucas is obviously waiting for Isa's reaction, but keeps smiling at him.

''And? You know you don't have to. Well, now it's shit because of the pandemic, especially since our beloved country has decided to reconfirm us now, but when it calms down, we can come to Antwerp and see you. You don't have to come back if you don't want to, Luc."

Lucas sighs again.

''I know, but Kes''

''He will understand." Isa cut him off ''So do you want to stay?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. The gaming company I'm trying out for wants to see me on Monday to offer me something else, but paid this time. I might not get a lot of opportunities like this."

''And then there's Jens.'' Isa said with a smile.

Lucas nods with a smile, trying not to show he's worried about their relationship, but he must be doing a pitiful job because Isa immediately frowns.

''What's wrong with Jens?''

Lucas sighs and shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. Frankly, I don't know. We were off to a good start. It was really great between us. It still is, but it's like something happened but I don't understand what it's."

Isa waves to say more but Lucas doesn't know what else to say.

''Okay, I need context, Lucas. What aspect of your relationship are we talking about?"

Lucas hesitates and then thinks he can talk about it with Isa. He wouldn't talk about it with Kes and he tried to call Ralph but Ralph doesn't answer.

''Sexual?"

Isa chuckles then nods.

''Okay, I wasn't expecting that. I'm sorry. So? What happened?''

Lucas sighs with a shrug.

''I don't know. We were good together, and I told him I was ready, and so did he, but I didn't have condoms, so we waited. We've had condoms now, but it's like he doesn't want it anymore. Every time I try to talk about it, he becomes distant and now I almost feel like he dreads the moments when we're both going to be naked because he's afraid I'm going to talk about it. And I don't understand what I've done wrong, so"

Lucas sighs a big sigh and hits the back of his head against the wall.

''I don't understand anything.''

Isa frowns.

''Lucas? He has a mouth, doesn't he?"

Lucas nods with a sigh.

''Yes, but it's not the same, and even if it's good, I''

"No!'' Isa shout before bursting out laughing ''I wanted to tell you to talk with him! Luc, you're obsessed! I can't believe you said that. Talk to him, Luc. Before you get naked, have a real conversation."

Lucas nods with a sigh. He doesn't want to hear Jens tell him that he doesn't want to having real sex with a guy. He doesn't want to hear him say he doesn't want him. Because even though he tells him hundreds of times that he loves him, Lucas knows that's the problem.

A knock comes at his door and Lucas looks up to see Jens smiling at him.

''I leave you, Isa, Jens's here.''

''Wait!'' shouts Isa ''I want to say hello!''

Lucas turns the phone around and Jens comes closer, smiling.

''Hi Isa!''

"Hi Jens! How are you?"

Jens nods with a smile and it hurts to see how well he looks.

''I'm fine. Can't wait for the vacations. How about you? Not too hard being confined again?"

Isa shrugs her shoulders and smiles.

''It's okay. I take the opportunity to take some time to talk with my friends. Okay, I'm going to leave you. Good evening, lovers. Luc, I'm waiting to hear from you, and not a fucking sms and two words!''

Isa hangs up smiling and Lucas sighs.

''Are you okay babe? You sound sad."

Jens bends over to kiss him but Lucas avoids him and looks at him nodding.

''It's not okay, Jens. I need to talk."

Jens immediately loses his smile and pulls out the desk chair so that he can sit in front of Lucas.

''Okay.''

Lucas takes a deep breath and takes Jens' hands in his.

"Why don't you want to have sex with me?"

Jens lets go of Lucas' hands and it's like a stab.

''I... I... I'm not ready, Luc.''

Lucas sighs and lowers his head.

''You already did it, Jens. Several times. For you, it's almost the same thing. I think that if you're not comfortable having sex with me because I'm a guy, maybe we should''

Jens puts his fingers on Lucas' mouth while shaking his head.

''Don't finish that sentence.''

Jens huddles in Lucas' arms and holds him tight before putting his head on his shoulder.

''I don't want it to be the same.''

Lucas gently strokes his back but he doesn't understand what Jens means.

''What do you mean?"

Jens takes a slight breath and steps back slightly to look Lucas in the eyes.

''I would like our first time to be a first time for you and me.''

Lucas frowns, not understanding how that would be possible when Jens hasn't been a virgin for a long time.

''Oh God, Luc, I want you to be the top but you seem like you want it to be me and I don't know how to handle it or how to be sure what I want. It scares me.''

Lucas immediately feels like an idiot. Maybe they should have really talked about it. Maybe he shouldn't have assumed that Jens wanted to be the top. They should really talk more about this. And yet, at that very moment, the only thing Lucas can say is:

"Oh."  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise ? 🤨😉


	16. Are you afraid

_Friday, December 11th 5:18 pm_

Jens sighs and rests his head on Lucas' shoulder. 

"Yeah : _Oh_. Sorry."

Lucas pushes him back slightly so Jens can look at him.

"I don't even know what you're sorry about."

Lucas sighs, all his worries leaving his body at once, but Jens doesn't seem to understand him and stands up.

"I'm going to go."

Lucas stands up and grabs his arm to pull him towards him.

"What? Why?"

Jens sighs as he looks down.

"I can see that you are uncomfortable. Sorry."

Lucas shakes his head and smiles, kissing Jens all over his face.

"I'm so relieved, you have no idea. I thought I did something wrong or that you just didn't want me sexually because I'm a guy but you didn't know how to tell me."

Jens immediately surrounds him and hugs you.

"I love you, Luc. It has nothing to do with that, I'm just a little confused about it. I know you want to, and so do I, but I need more time."

Lucas nods, taking Jens to his bed, finding his lips so he can kiss him gently.

"I don't mind waiting. I thought I was the problem."

Jens sighs with a shrug.

"No, I'm just the problem."

Lucas shakes his head and strokes his cheek. 

"You're not a problem, okay? We just need to talk a little bit more about this. I really want us to feel comfortable enough to talk about everything."

Jens nods but doesn't smile so Lucas kisses him and looks him in the eye.

"Okay, you want me to be the top?''

Jens nods with a sigh.

''I think so. But I don't know how to be really sure.''

Lucas nods then smiles.

''Do you want to do research together?"

Jens frowns and Lucas pushes him slightly so that he comes next to him then takes his computer on his lap and Jens starts to laugh.

"You can't just search _how do I know if I'm top or bottom_ on Google. Luc, who does that? "

Lucas starts laughing and points to a site.

"Of course I can. Google was invented to answer these kinds of questions. Look, there's even a test. Okay, first question: _when you pick a fruit is she the reason you pick it...1-because it's easy to peel or there's no need to spit out the seeds. 2-_ _you choose according to your tastes. 3-_ _because they're low in sugar and healthy..._ no, definitely not that. _4-You choose delicate fruits to take a picture of them on a nice plate_...there is no option ''I only eat hamburgers, pizza and fries''.This test doesn't start well, my boyfriend doesn't eat fruit."

Jens bursts out laughing and takes the computer on his lap.

''But what does that have to do with my sexual preferences?''

Lucas bursts out laughing and shakes his head.

''I have absolutely no idea.''

Jens moves the computer to put it in the place of the cushions and lies down in front of it, waving to Lucas to come and lie down next to him and then he chooses the first answer.

'' _What do you do if you go outside when it rains?_ I don't go outside '' says Jens laughing before stating the possible answers: _Take an umbrella casually, Go out with a hat without an umbrella, Put on my rain boots or my favorite umbrella, or with nothing and it makes a free shower_...''.

''Definitely the last one.'' Lucas laughs as he strokes his lower back ''Okay, you were probably right, this test is crap, it doesn't make any sense.''

Jens kisses him and then comes back to the computer.

''At least it's funny, come on, only eight more questions.''

" _What accessory would you wear every day_... _tie_ , it's clear that no. I think you can say _earring_ without too much hesitation.''

Jens smiles and clicks on it before taking a big smile.

" _What kind of voice attracts you the most?_ Yours. Definitely.''

Lucas looks up to the sky and Jens kisses him gently.

''Okay, _gentle and soft._ ''

''What?'' pleases Lucas. ''My voice is _magnetix and sonorous_ , right?''

Jens looks at him puzzled and clicks on the first choice.

'' _Do you like to eat mustard?_ But what the fuck is the test?''

They're both laughing and it's Lucas who clicks on _A lot_.

'' _What style of clothes do you have_.''

Lucas looks at him from head to toe and smiles.

''Yeah, _fashion victim,_ definitely.''

Jens elbows him funny and clicks _Comfortable and casual._

When asked about his state of mind, Jens answers that he believes in true love and Lucas kisses him on the cheek. 

" _When you watch romantic dramas_... why not action movies? Oh Luc, what did you make me do? OK....I like it when the hero and the heroine cross paths but don't end up together until the end.''

Lucas chuckles as he reads the next question.

'' _Which pet would you choose_... this test doesn't make sense.''

Jens clicks on _Monkey_ laughing and then clicks on _Fictions_ to choose the kind of book he would choose most often.

''Too bad, there are no school's textbooks.''

Jens declares that he chooses his accessories without any importance, then that if he had to choose, he would choose to have a little sister. 

A diagram appears on the screen, showing almost half- half, containing hardly more orange than blue, declaring: _After identification, you are bottom seme (like a teen girl)._

Jens and Lucas look at each other and then burst out laughing.

"I don't even know what _seme_ means."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and laughs.

''I don't know, teen girl.''

Jens gently pushes him before kissing him to shut him up.

''Your test sucked.''

Lucas laughs, hugging Jens.

''I agree. It sucked."

Jens grabs the computer and types quickly.

" _Seme_ , that means who's in control. Dominant. I don't want to dominate you. And why teen girl ?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and shuts down his computer before pulling Jens against him again.

''I don't know. Ok, you right, that was stupid. Just tell me how you feel."

Jens huddles up against him and smiles tenderly.

"Every time we're together and you touch me there, it drives me completely crazy. It makes me feel things I've never felt before. So I think I really wish you were inside me, but it scares me at the same time."

Lucas nods and gently squeezes it against him.

"Are you afraid I'm going to hurt you?"

Jens shrugs his shoulders.

"Yeah, a little bit. Or that it's weird. Or that you're not having as much fun as you expected. I'm afraid you'll be disappointed. And then I was thinking maybe you don't want to be the top, and I don't want you to accept just to please me."

Lucas kisses him gently on the neck and gently caresses his back.

"To be honest with you, I never thought about it. I thought you wanted to be the top and it was silly, we should have talked about it. Why not. I can't say what I don't like until I've tried it anyway. I like the idea of it being new for both of us, even though it scares me too. I don't want to hurt you or make you regret it. But I really think I could like were inside you. A lot."

Jens nods and hugs Lucas.

"I'm sorry I've been distant. I don't want to lose you, Lucas. I really love you."

Lucas nods and gently pulls on Jens' chin so he can kiss him.

"I didn't want to pressure you, I thought you didn't want me. We'll wait as long as you need."

Jens hugs him and then kisses his neck tenderly, letting his hands slide under Lucas' shirt. And for the first time in a while, Jens doesn't seem to hesitate anymore when he touches Lucas, he doesn't seem to be afraid that Lucas will ask him to make love, he seems to have become totally comfortable again and Lucas promises himself inside that he will never lose that again. He must never let anything unsaid settle between them again.

And he wants to wait until he's sure before telling Jens, but maybe they'll have a lot more time in front of them than Jens thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't invent anything, this test exists ... I don't understand the relationship between the questions and our preferences, nor why it added "like a teen girl ..." but it made me laugh ...


	17. I swear it's okay.

_Saturday, December 12th 4:06 am_

Lucas feels his heart beating a little faster as soon as he walks through the door of his house. He has reached a point where he knows he's in a nightmare but still can't wake up or stop the dream from continuing. And yet he knows exactly what is going to happen. He will fall to the ground while his friends will walk by without seeing him and throw buns at him, telling him it's his fault. And yet, this night is different. The coffin in the middle of the church opens and his mother jumps on him, scratching him all over his chest. 

Lucas wakes up when he falls on the floor of his bedroom and immediately feels hands touching him, so he hits as hard as he can while screaming.

It is Jens' scream that brings him out of his trance and the door of his bedroom opens immediately, bringing with it a flood of light that makes the blood dripping on his boyfriend's face shine even more.

"Damn it Luc, what have you done?" Ask his father when he joins Jens. "Shit, come quickly to the bathroom. I hope your nose isn't broken."

His father tries to pull Jens by the arm but he crouches down in front of Lucas who cries, grabbing a T-shirt on the floor to stop the bleeding. He puts his hand on his arm but Lucas immediately steps back.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Jens moves closer to him and pulls him into his arms.

"It's okay, babe, it was a nightmare, it's not your fault. None of this is your fault, Lucas."

Lucas looks up but immediately regrets it because the shirt is soaked in blood.

"Jens, come and clean it. Do you think it's broken?"

Jens shrugs his shoulders and walks to the bathroom, pulling Lucas to come with him.

"You're not staying alone. Come with me."

The more Lucas looks at Jens, the worse he feels. He feels a pain filling his whole body, and realizes that he was scratching the scars on his thighs only when Jens stops him and takes his hands in his.

"It's okay Luc. Look at that it stopped. It doesn't even hurt anymore."

His father gently touches Jens' nose and sighs.

"I don't think it's broken, but maybe we should go check it out."

Jens shakes his head immediately.

"Going to the hospital is risky to catch the Covid just before Christmas? No thanks. I think if it was broken I would still be in pain, I swear it's okay, Niels."

Jens shakes Lucas' hands a little harder in his.

"I swear it's okay."

Niels goes to get some ice cubes for Jens to put on his nose and they go back to the bedroom.

"It's okay, Luc. I promise it's okay."

Lucas shakes his head, putting his head in his hands. 

"No, It's not okay. It's worse than before. I can't go on like this, Jens. Look what I've done to you."

Jens huddles up against Lucas and holds him tight, blocking the ice bag against Lucas' shoulder.

"It was an accident, babe. I know you didn't mean to hurt me."

Lucas starts to cry and Jens holds him against him, gently caressing his back.

"I'm going to go see a therapist. I can't go on like this. I can't put you through this. I'm sorry."

Jens nods and Lucas blames himself even more.

"If I had done it when you offered, none of this would have happened. I'm really sorry."

Jens hugs him and strokes his hair.

"It's all right, Luc. You needed some time. I'm proud of you. Do you want me to help you find someone?"

Lucas shakes his head and sighs.

"No, I'll ask Sander for his name, he told me he was cool."

Jens nods and removes the ice bag so he can kiss him but Lucas wince.

"You're already all blue. It must hurt like hell. I'm really sorry."

Jens turns off the light before kissing him.

"That way you can't see it. I swear it's okay."

Lucas sighs, hesitating to ask Jens to go home so as not to hurt him, but Jens hugs him.

"I'm not going anywhere Luc, it's not even worth thinking about it."

Lucas sighs again and Jens hugs him harder. 

''None of this is your fault, Luc. You have to accept that. Sometimes things happen, you don't know why, but it's not necessarily your fault."

''I should have taken better care of her.''

Jens turns on the light and sits down in bed.

''That wasn't your role, Luc! Do you understand that?"

Lucas bursts into tears and Jens holds him tight.

''It's not your fault, Luc.''

Jens tells him several times but even if Lucas hears it, he can't agree with that. And when he finds himself the next Tuesday morning in the therapist's office and tells him exactly the same thing, Lucas doesn't cry this time, but shakes his head.

''I should have taken care of her. There was only one thing she asked me to do and I forgot it."

The therapist nods with a gentle smile.

''So what? Was it the first time you forgot to do something she asked you to do?"

Lucas sighs and shakes his head.

''No, but..."

''Was it the first time you went out with your friends and left her alone?''

Lucas shakes his head, defeated.

''No, but''

''But nothing, Lucas. Your mother had a 17-year-old boy. Every parent knows you can't ask your teenager anything for sure. They were just buns, and they were for you too, it was no big deal."

Lucas shakes his head, straightening up in his chair.

''My mother was sick, I knew it. She didn't think clearly sometimes."

The therapist gets up and sits in the chair next to him.

''Your mother was your mother. She was a grown woman, and it wasn't your job to deal with her illness. You did it because you love her and you're a good person, but you couldn't handle it on your own and it wasn't yours to do. I'm not an investigator, I don't know what happened that night, but I do know that you can't live your life with that guilt inside of you. We'll work on that if you want to. Do you want to talk about your tattoos?"

Lucas nods and spends the next half hour talking about his tattoos, then about how he hurt himself and how much he wanted to do it again when he hurt Jens. Then he spends the next half hour talking about Jens and whether or not he wants to go back to Utrecht. And without the therapist needing to say it, Lucas understands that if he wanted to go home so much, it was to find her, to be close to her, close to the places she used to go to, the places she loved. And it hurts to realize that no matter what happens, she will never be there again. 

Lucas comes out of the appointment in pieces, feeling like he's completely broken. He walks out with his head down, thanking the therapist, and promises he will be back on Monday at 2pm.

''Are you okay?''

Lucas wipes his eyes as he looks at Sander who seems to be smiling under his mask, moving a stroller back and forth slightly.

"Do you have an appointment?"

Sander shakes his head and starts walking slowly.

''No, I'm coming for you. I know how difficult it is sometimes, and a little birdie tells me that you might not want to be alone. Come on, Luc, let's go for a walk, my nephew needs a walk."

Lucas nods and walks slowly a few meters away from Sander.

"Did Robbe tell you to come?"

Sander shakes his head.

"No, Jens.''

Lucas nods and looks at Sander giving the baby a purple giraffe.

''I didn't come here to force you to talk to me, just to let you know you're not alone, okay?''

Lucas nods before he looks at Sander. And finally, it's true that it feels good not to be alone. They simply walk, in silence, but it allows Lucas to think a little. Sander doesn't necessarily seem to want to talk, so it's quite nice. Lucas takes a big smile and looks at Sander who is already looking at him, as if to make sure he's okay.

''Sander? Could I ask you a favor?''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What does Lucas want to ask Sander? Answer in a few days...


	18. Guess who's on vacation?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, 
> 
> I wanted to post this chapter yesterday, but I had a little computer glitch...thank goodness Santa gave me a new one!
> 
> I hope you're okay. Ready to continue this story? now I won't stop it anymore, I'll post one chapter a day so the day after tomorrow I'll have finished it...

_Tuesday 15 December, 3:14 pm_

Lucas looks at the time and smiles. He will pick up Jens at the exit of the high school later but he still has time so he continues to write the report of the level he has just unlocked. 

A knock on his door takes his mind off it and he gets up when he sees Jens coming in smiling.

"What are you already doing here?"

Jens laughs as he comes to kiss him.

"I'm happy to see you too."

Lucas kisses Jens by caressing his cheek.

"I'm happy to see you, but I thought I'd pick you up after school."

Jens smiles and hugs his boyfriend.

"The math teacher has a fever so classes were cancelled at the last minute. Are you fine?"

Lucas drags him to his bed and the two of them settle down, half lying down, half sitting, huddling together.

"I'm fine. My appointment went well. He's really cool. It felt good, I think."

Jens nods and then seems to wait for Lucas to talk but Lucas looks at him while stroking his cheek.

"I don't want to talk about it right now. What do you want to do?"

Jens shrugs his shoulders so Lucas grabs his computer.

"Do you want to watch something on Netflix?"

Jens nods, but the movie has barely started when he falls asleep in Lucas' arms. Lucas gently kisses his cheek, puts his head against his and falls asleep. 

These are the kind of moments Lucas loves. Of course, he likes when they talk for hours, when they laugh like idiots, or when he kicks Jens' ass at video games, but he especially likes those moments when Jens seems totally relaxed in his arms. And it affects Lucas even more because it has nothing to do with sex. It's just the hapiness of being together. 

And this happiness, Lucas tastes it all week because as soon as Jens finishes his classes, he joins Lucas or he asks Lucas to join him and they spend all their time together.

Sometimes they don't do anything to stay in each other's arms in silence, or they spend their time kissing each other lazily and that's enough for them to be happy. 

Because that's exactly that : With Jens, Lucas is happy. 

It hurts because he finds it hard to accept that he has the right to have this share of happiness, but he's forced to admit that when he looks into Jens' eyes, he's happy. When Jens' hand slips into his, giving the impression that they were destined to meet, when Jens kisses him gently along the jaw before whispering words of love in his ear, when Jens sends him a message just as Lucas is thinking of him, when Jens knocks gently at his room door but enters before waiting for an answer, Lucas is happy.

And that's exactly what happens now. 

It's the last Friday of class before the Christmas vacations and Jens knocks quietly at Lucas' bedroom door, at the same time as he sneaks inside.

"Guess who's on vacation?"

Lucas smiles as he looks up, watching Jens entering his room as if it was his second home. 

"You? Because personally, I'm working until the 24th. Included."

Jens rolls his eyes and comes and sits on his lap, putting the controller that was in Lucas' hands on his desk.

"You get paid to play a video game for a preview. Poor Lucas, it's such a hard job."

Lucas laughs at the way Jens laughs at him when he was the first to congratulate him on obtaining a paid contract for the month of December. Lucas laugh as he hugs and kisses him. 

"Happy to be on vacation?"

Jens shakes his head and sighs.

"Glad not to be in virtual class anymore, yes. But I don't think classes will resume in January. I...I don't know how January is going to be and I'm a little worried about it."

Lucas gently nods his head, knowing full well that Jens doesn't talk about classes anymore. He knows he should be talking about what Lucas is going to do or not do at the end of the month, but the problem is that Lucas still hasn't made up his mind.

"But January is a long time away." Continues Jens "What do you want to do tomorrow? You don't work on Saturdays, right?"

Lucas shakes his head but smiles.

"No, but I'm helping Sander and Robbe to paint their apartment. Sander said you could come if you want."

Jens frowns slightly and that makes Lucas smile a bit more.

"How come you're helping them? Why didn't Robbe tell me about it? I'm glad you're friends with them, of course, but"

"I think Robbe doesn't know about it," says Lucas, stroking Jens' cheek. "I saw that with Sander. I owed him a favor".

Jens nods and doesn't try to find out why he owed him a favor, and that's exactly the kind of thing Lucas likes about Jens. He doesn't really push him to talk, but makes him feel like he's always there if Lucas wants to.

"Okay. Of course I'm coming, it's going to be fun. Can I sleep there tonight?"

Lucas nods, so when night falls, they fall asleep in each other's arms after cuddling. They don't talk about making love anymore, but Lucas assumes that Jens will tell him when he's ready. They're in no hurry. Now that things are going well between them, they don't really need that to be happy.

Lucas falls asleep right after Jens and almost immediately falls back into his nightmare. He's conscious enough to know that it's a nightmare so instead of falling in the middle of the church, now he's standing. He opens his eyes and looks straight ahead. 

"It's not fucking real. It's not real."

He shakes his head all over and a hand grabs him when he feels he's falling down.

"Hey, I'm here, babe. It's all good. It's all good."

Lucas grabs Jens' shoulders and kisses him on the neck. 

"I know. It's okay. I'm fine."

Jens gently caresses his back and kisses him on the forehead before putting it on Lucas' chest.

"I would take your pain away if I could."

Lucas huddles a little more against him, kissing him tenderly before closing his eyes.

"I love you too, baby."

Jens grunts something that Lucas doesn't understand, but Lucas smiles because he's sure it has something to do with that nickname. Yet that's what Jens is for him: his baby. The one he wants to protect and love for the rest of his life.


	19. You've decided, right?

_Monday, December 21, 6:34 pm_

"But how do you get so dirty?"

Robbe and Sander turn around when Lucas asks the question and start laughing as they look at Jens.

''It's true.'' Admit Robbe '' you are the dirtiest of the four of us. You even have paint on your ear. In fact, you've got paint all over your face except where you had your mask on.'' 

Jens touches his ear with a smile but points at the wall with his beer.

''Still, I did a wonderful job.'' 

Robbe laughs as he looks at the four completely white walls. Lucas thinks it's rather pretty, even if it's just white, because it's not an immaculate white like in a hospital, it's a white that tends towards grey. But it's clear that Sander is not going to leave it like that. He said he was going to paint something great on one of the walls, but he didn't want to say what it would be and Robbe doesn't seem to know either.

''It's just white, Jens, you couldn't really miss out on painting white.''

Sander gives Robbe a slight nudge, which makes Jens smile a bit more.

''He has kindly come to help us, don't thank him like that.''

Robbe smiles as he raises his beer in the direction of Jens.

''Thanks for coming guys, it's clear that without you it would have taken twice as long.''

Jens raises a mocking eyebrow.

"If we hadn't come, you would certainly have taken more than twice as long because you would have spent your time naked, one on top of the other, instead of painting. But I'm really glad I could help you. As soon as the lockdown is lifted we're going to have a great party here with the 6 of us and the guys, they're going to love it!''

Robbe and Sander nod with a big smile and look again at the main room as if they were already projecting themselves inside. And at that very moment, Lucas can't help but wonder what it would be like to move into an apartment with Jens.

They finish their beers and put their masks back on in order to tidy everything up, then Jens and Lucas leave, leaving Robbe and Sander in their future home.

''They are going to be really good here. '' Said Jens as he slipped his hand into Lucas' hand ''I can't believe they're really going to live together.''

''Do you think things can go wrong between them? They seem pretty serene about living together."

Jens shake head and runs his other hand through his hair to push it back a little further.

"No, I have no doubt about that, it's already as if they live together anyway. And then Robbe is so much better since he is with Sander, that I can't imagine him without him. I'm sure that everything will be fine for them."

Lucas refrains from asking him if he thinks everything will be all right for them too. As soon as they arrive on the landing, the door of Jens' house opens and his father greets them both before looking at Jens.

''We need you to look after Lotte tonight. Your grandmother isn't well and your mother wants us to go see her." 

Jens immediately frowns and nods.

''Of course, no problem. Do you think it's the Covid?"

His father shakes his head and puts his hand on Jens' shoulder.

''No, I think it's the loneliness that weighs her down. I think we're going to sleep at her place tonight because we won't be home on time for curfew otherwise. Are you going to be okay?"

Jens nods and pulls Lucas inside the apartment.

''Of course we'll be okay, don't worry about us, we'll take care of Lotte.''

Jens' mother arrives in the entrance of the apartment, a small suitcase in her hand and hugs her son before caressing his cheek.

''Normally, we'll be back tomorrow and we'll let you know anyway.''

Jens nods and kisses him on the cheek, almost pushing her outside.

''Take care of grandma, I'll take care of Lotte. And then Lucas is with me."

Jens' parents seem strangely relieved to hear that, and it makes Lucas smile when he thinks back to their first meeting.

''Anyway I could even keep myself alone.''

Lucas looks at Lotte who looks really serious and that makes him smile. Sometimes she looks like a child that needs to be taken care of and sometimes she looks like she's totally independent and doesn't need anyone. She goes back to her bedroom as soon as their parents close the door and Jens pulls Lucas to the couch where they sit in each other's arms.

''I vote to order a pizza tonight, is that okay too?''

Lucas nods and watches his boyfriend take out the pizza menu from the coffee table in the living room but he doesn't really pay attention. Since Sander gave him what he was asked to do for him, Lucas can't stop thinking about it. Because it's just perfect, it's even better than he could have imagined, and he can't wait to show it to Jens.

''Luc, are you there? The earth calls the moon.''

Lucas blinks to look at him and Jens frowns as he strokes his cheek.

''Do you want to talk to me about something? You seem rather preoccupied."

Lucas nods and takes Jens' hands in his to bring them to his lips and kiss them.

''Yeah. I want to show you something."

Lotte comes into the living room and sits down in front of them, taking the pizza menu.

''I want a four-cheese. Jens? Would you like to order? Why are you covered in paint?"

Lucas smiles at him and gently shakes his hand, wanting to tell him it can wait. Finally they order the pizzas and Jens takes a shower while waiting for the delivery, while Lotte talks to Lucas about what she wants for Christmas. 

The three of them eat in front of a cartoon chosen by Lotte, but Lucas doesn't really pay attention to it, and he can totally see that Jens doesn't either.

''Ok, you finish your cartoon and then you go to bed, ok Lotte?''

Lotte nods with a smile and Jens takes Lucas to his bedroom where they settle down in front of each other on the bed.

''You've decided, right?''

Lucas nods and takes out the paper that he has been keeping in the back pocket of his jeans since Sander gave it to him. He gently unfolds the paper and Jens bends over to look at it. The drawing represents a skateboard and in the middle is the shadow of their kissing faces, with their skate park drawn in the background, the sentence _''Light only shines in the dark''_ engraved on one of the ramps.

"It's my future tattoo."

Jens nods and takes Lucas' hands in his, looking worried.

''It's really beautiful, but now I need to know if you want to do it to remember me when you're away from here or if you just want to have something positive engraved on your skin.''

Lucas smiles as he realizes that Jens knows him really well. Indeed he really wants to have a positive tattoo. When he looks at this tattoo, he will remind him that even in the deepest darkness you can find a source of light.

Lucas takes a slight breath and places his forehead against his boyfriend's forehead.

"I want to go back to Utrecht.''


	20. I can't do it

"Ok"

Jens' voice is only a whisper, but Lucas hears it anyway. Lucas shakes his head and puts his hands on Jens' cheeks.

''No, it's not okay. Let me finish."

Jens nods and Lucas takes a breath.

''I really want to go back to Utrecht, but I can't do it.''

''I think the Netherlands accepts that their citizen goes home despite the pandemic.''

Lucas sighs and puts his finger on Jens' mouth.

''Let me finish. When I say I can't go home, it has nothing to do with the pandemic. I just can't leave you here. I can never go back to my life because you weren't part of it. I want to go back, but I don't want to live away from you. I really love you, and I'm going to stay here because I love you. Because no matter what I want, I can't imagine my life without you anymore."

Jens immediately jumps on his lips and Lucas finds himself lying on the bed, under his kisses.

''I love you too. I was so hoping you would stay, but I want you to be happy too."

Lucas smiles, kissing Jens without stopping smiling.

''I'm happy. I've been offered a six-month contract as a video game developer. I would go to Gant once a week, but otherwise I would work from home. Anyway, I won't be able to be happy being away from you."

Jens kisses him all over his face and then on his neck.

''I need you too to be happy.''

They kiss each other for a few minutes, pulling each other's waist as close as possible and already slipping their hands under their T-shirts.

"I want you to make love to me, babe."

Lucas slightly pushes Jens away to look at him and strokes his cheek.

''I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. We don't have to do this right now."

Jens nods and kisses him before looking at him again.

''I know, but I really want to. I've hesitated a few times already, but tonight I really want to."

Lucas nods and Jens takes off his shirt, kissing his tattoo as he does every time, before taking off his own shirt. He gets up and takes off his pants before takes off Lucas' own. They both slip under the comforter while kissing and Lucas turns them over so that Jens is on his back. He peppers his chest with kisses before going down, sliding his boxer shorts at the same time. He takes Jens' cock in his mouth and sucks it gently, causing some satisfied moaning.

Jens gently moves his hips while putting his feet flat next to Lucas, exposing his hole which Lucas caresses before grabbing the lubricant and putting it on his fingers. When he enters a finger in Jens, he lets go of his dick which falls back on his belly and comes back to lie down next to him to be able to kiss him.

''Another one.'' Ask Jens between kisses.

Lucas slips his tongue into his mouth but between a second finger at the same time, and Jens tenses up slightly as he does each time, but soon he moves his hips again, moaning and asking for one more, while caressing Lucas' cock.

Jens gets down on all fours so that he can suck Lucas's already hard and ready to explode cock, while leaving his ass within reach of Lucas' hand, who pushes three fingers inside him. Lucas tries not to think too much, but when Jens grabs a condom and unrolls it on him before lubricating him again, a feeling of fear overcomes him completely. 

And of course, Jens sees it immediately so he pulls it towards him to kiss him.

''I'm afraid of hurting you.''

Jens smiles as he hugs him again.

''Yeah, well, don't do it, okay? Just do me a good things, please."

Lucas sighs as he puts his forehead against his own.

''You're not helping at all, babe.''

Jens lies on his side, making him Lucas's little spoon. and gently stroking him, guiding Lucas's dick to his hole.

"I trust you, I'm not worried."

Lucas kisses him on the neck while putting one hand on his hips.

''I love you, Jens.''

Lucas pushes as softly as possible inside him, and it's really more overwhelming than he thought it would be. Jens puts one hand on his thigh and gently guides Lucas to push a little more inside him and then to stop when he needs to. Lucas bends over as much as he can so he can kiss him on the neck and cheek, wishing he could see his face better than that.

''Are you okay?"

Jens nods, moving gently back and forth.

''It's just a lot. I feel like I'm... wait."

Lucas stops again and feels Jens relaxing around him. 

''Okay, move."

Lucas moves slowly forward and then backward, needing some friction. Jens moans softly and Lucas kisses his upper back, not being able to reach his neck anymore because Jens has kind of bent over backwards, putting his ass even further back.

''Go faster, Luc''.

"Are you sure?"

Jens nods and turns around to kiss him.

''Yeah. It burns a little, but it's good."

Lucas withdraws completely and Jens puts himself on his back so he can look at him.

"Don't you like it?"

Lucas kisses him, moving to kneel down between his legs.

''Yes. Of course I do. But I want to see you."

Jens nods and wraps his legs around Lucas' waist as he guides his dick to his hole. Jens grimace when he enters him and puts a hand on his chest.

''Take it gently. Kiss me."

Lucas bends over to kiss him and while they kiss, it's Jens who guides him, a hand on his hips, helping him find a rhythm that is good for both of them.

Lucas stands up to look at Jens, pushing his hair back from his forehead and it makes him change his angle a little bit, making him touch a slightly harder ball with the tip of his dick. Jens' eyes are revolting almost immediately as he moans louder.

''Fuck yeah, baby. I'm gonna''.

Jens doesn't have time to finish his sentence that comes on his stomach. Lucas hits his prostate again before coming inside him. He crashes half on top of him, half on the bed and slowly withdraws before removing the condom and tying it up to put it in the trash can.

"Are you all right?"

Jens opens one eye, a big smile on his lips and nods, trying to get back to normal breathing.

"I don't even know why I was afraid anymore. It was just great. I love you so much. Oh God, it's was so..."

Lucas huddles up against him, not caring that Jens' belly is wet and cold.

''I love you so much, Luc. I'm so happy you're staying here."

Lucas hugs himself a little tighter and kisses his jaw.

''I'm really happy to stay here. I think my place is here."

Jens pretends to look around and smiles.

''Here? In this bed? I totally agree."

Lucas laughs as he strokes his arm.

''You know what I meant.''

Jens nods before kissing him.

"I know, and I agree."

The door opens at once, showing Lotte holding a jar of ice cream.

"Who wants ice cream?

Jens and Lucas look at each other, pulling the blanket over themselves even though they are well hidden underneath and start laughing.

''I will have a lock installed.'' whispers Jens.

Lotte looks at them and raises her eyes to the sky before coming out of the bedroom with a sigh and Jens starts laughing as he lies back on his bed, taking Lucas in his arms and Lucas puts his head against him. Lucas smiles, feeling good and relieved:

He has finally found his place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who followed this story with me!


End file.
